Mullings A Political Cyber Column By Rich Galen

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Hanging By a Chad

Saturday November 11, 2000

Special Saturday
Can-You-Believe-This?
Edition

Here is my idea of how we should re-run the election in Palm Beach County. Rather than voting individually, voting would occur temple-by-temple
"As President of the Men's Club for not one; not two;
but for THREE terms, it is my honor to announce
that Temple Beth Israel proudly casts 132 votes
for the Next President of the United States, Vice
President Al Gore, and one vote for Bush by that
putz, Metzner, who never goes along with anything
everyone else wants to do including repainting the
party room in time for the High Holy Days last
year and that's why nobody likes him and, by the
way, I happen to know he doesn't separate his
bottles before he puts his garbage down the chute
because you can hear the noise, and we wish he
would move in with his cousin in Pompano who -
believe you me - doesn't think that much of him
either, according to Esther Ginsberg's brother-in-
law who plays golf with him in a league on, I think,
Tuesdays."

Jesse Jackson should be required to open each of the overseas ballots from Israel and personally thank every Jewish voter who supports Al Gore and guarantee them the right to control:
(1) apartment buildings in New York,
(2) the world banking system, and
(3) everything in the entertainment industry which Rupert Murdock
doesn't already own.

This business of having a hand recount is very, very dangerous to the ultimate outcome. Hand recounts are much more than simply and mechanically picking up a ballot, looking at it, reading the vote, and moving on.

A hand recount involves deciding whether a ballot is legitimate or not. It involves looking at the ballot and determining if, for instance, that little paper chip - called a chad - which is supposed to be punched out during the voting process is really punched out or just got loose during the handling and machine counting process.

It involves looking at marks on the ballot. It involves deciding whether a second punch is a disqualifying action or whether it should be ignored.

The entire process revolves around "VOTER INTENT."

The problem is, a group of political people - in the counties under scrutiny more Democrats than Republicans - will make these determinations. In most cases it will come down to a vote. The Democrats will vote one way, the Republicans another. Guess who wins in Dade, Broward, Palm Beach, and Volusia counties?

These political appointees will look at a piece of paper and, like Carnak the Magnificent, deign what the voter intended to do this past Tuesday.

All this unfairness stuff takes me back to that storied loss - 902 to 900 - in an election for City Council in Marietta, Ohio back in the day.

The reason I lost was this: I was a radio newsman at the time and my name on the radio was - surprise - Rich Galen. Except when you hear, "This is Rich Galen, WMOA news" seven or eight times a day, it SOUNDS like "This is richgalen, WMOA news."

Richgalen, people thought, was like Michaelangelo - all one word.

At the time, in Ohio, you had to be listed on the ballot with your official name, in my case: Richard A. Galen.

Richard A. Galen looks much different than richgalen sounds.

Way, way more than two people said they couldn't find my name on the ballot, and so didn't vote for me. Fraud! Unfair! The peoples' will thwarted! Democracy in the balance! Revote! Get me anybody named Daley in the 312 area code on the phone!

The result, of course, stood.

A year or so later, when some guy named James Earl Carter wanted to run for President as "Jimmy Carter" the law was changed.

As that same James Earl Carter was quoted as saying some years later, "Life is unfair."

Meanwhile the crack analysts at the Voter News Service had to admit yet another mistake. Friday evening at about six pm New Mexico's five electoral votes were pulled out of Gore's column and put into the toss-up category.

At almost the same time, Oregon's seven electoral votes, which had been toss-ups, were awarded to Gore. Stand by for a change in that conclusion over the weekend.

For a continually updated look at post-election counting from around the nation, go here. You will also find a disturbing comparison of Warren Christopher and "Walter" the curmudgeon puppet.

There was a very touching scene on CNN's "Inside Politics" last night. Bernie Shaw, who has been with the network, literally, since Day One announced he would be leaving at the end of February. When he finished his short remarks, the newsroom in Atlanta broke out in applause.

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