Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

�

Click here for the Secret Decoder Ring to this issue!

Click here to keep up with Galen's Speaking Schedule

Looking for a back issue of Mullings? They're in the Archives

Click here to join the Mullings Movement!

The Gore Cable Network

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Click here for an Easy Print Version

The FALL SUBSCRIPTION DRIVE is still on! If you subscribed last Fall (not this past Winter) it's time. If you've never subscribed it's really time. In any event, go to the FALL SUBSCRIPTION DRIVE page and see what it's all about.

This is why you have to love the Democrats. Just when the eight remaining original candidates for the Democratic nomination for President got out from under the California recall, they had to deal with Wesley Clark. Just when they thought they had a handle on General Wes, here comes Al Gore. Again.

Gore is elbowing his way back onto center stage by announcing a plan to buy a Canadian cable news network - Newsworld International - which, according to Bizjournals.com - this is true - is owned by

"Universal Television Networks, the cable television division of Universal City-based Universal Television Group, a unit of Vivendi Universal Entertainment, the U.S.-based film and television entity of French media company Vivendi Universal" which just got bought by General Electric which owns NBC.

Dear Mr. Mullings: Ssnnnooooorrre!
Signed: Rip Van Winkle

Stay with me because we're going to make fun of Al Gore. Again.

Gore and some investors are planning to buy Newsworld International which has "58 employees." For comparison, the Cox Newspaper and Broadcasting has about that many employees in its Washington, DC bureau.

The Gore Cable Network (GCN) is going to be, according to Ad Age, "A combination of MTV and CNN."

What an excellent idea. CNN (which is owned by the company - effective tomorrow - formerly known as AOL Time Warner) is barely ahead of MSNBC (which is a co-enterprise of Microsoft and NBC) in the cable ratings and is going in the wrong direction.

Last month CNN unveiled its really new, really hip, really up-to-date prime time lineup: Anderson Cooper (replacing last year's Crossfire in the 7:00 pm slot) and Paula Zahn (replacing Connie Chung in last year's 8:00 pm time slot).

Crossfire has been cut to 30 minutes and moved to late afternoon and Ms. Chung is gone altogether.

Nevertheless, according to Media Life Magazine, both shows lost about HALF the audience of their predecessors right out of the gate.

A majority of people who watch MTV (owned by Viacom which also owns CBS) - this is also true - believe the David Letterman and Jay Leno monologues count as news.

AND Newsworld International is a Canadian operation. Talk about'cher HIP!

Gore's people are specifically saying this will NOT be a Liberal alternative to Fox News Channel. Good thing. The last organization which tried to take the Liberal alternative route was MSNBC's Phil Donahue experiment which collapsed into the black hole of near-zero ratings after about a year.

GCN, we are told, will be "a professional news operation reaching an aware, younger, hipper audience." The 58 employees will, what, have tattoos, pierced tongues, and pony tails? Who will be the President of News Operations, Naomi Wolf?

Not only that, but according to media sources, advertisers on news programs want an audience aged 25-54!

Mr. Gore, may we see that business plan just for a second? Again?

This, as you may remember, is not the first time Mr. Gore has ventured into the realm of controlling a TV operation.

While still Vice President, Gore - fresh from having invented the Internet - decided it would be a swell idea to have a new television network to - I swear this is true - "broadcast live pictures of the Earth 24 hours a day for Internet users and television outlets."

Don't believe me? Go to the Secret Decoder Ring page where you will find the [pre-hip] CNN coverage from March, 1998.

CNN wrote, "Gore's primary purpose in pushing the project is his belief that science buffs would be fascinated by the chance to access an around-the-clock snapshot of Earth."

It would also have been great for college students who, rather than studying for those pesky mid-terms, could smoke a little pot and stare, in the buff, at a picture of the Earth on their TV sets while waiting for the Papa John's guy to show up.

Hey! Who ordered anchovies? Again.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: Links to the articles mentioned above plus a reminder about Naomi Wolf. Also, a nice Autumnal Mullfoto and an amusing Catchy Caption.

Current Issue | Secret Decoder Ring | Past Issues | Email Rich | Rich Who?