I have one word for Bill Clinton pretending to move into his new office space in Harlem yesterday: Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!
Here it is, August. The month most dreaded by columnists. And not just ANY August, mind you. August 2001.
Last August we were in the PCZ: the Political Convention Zone - Philly for the GOP and L.A. for the Dems. Celebs everywhere. Polls daily. Travel aplenty. Parties galore. Dick Nixon dolls (with that head that bobs up and down) for sale at BOTH conventions.
The August before that, 1999, we were in Iowa reporting on the run up to, the voting during, and the fallout from, the Iowa Republican Straw Poll. Republicans outnumbered the cattle, but Democrats still outnumbered the hogs.
August, 1998 had us deep in Lewinsky Land. The August 3, 1998 Mullings contained the following summary of Bill Clinton's year up through the end of July:
- Jan 21: "It's important to tell the American people it wasn't an
improper relationship and I didn't tell anyone to lie."
- Jan 22: "Let's get to the big issues here; about the nature of
the relationship and whether I ever asked anyone to lie.
That is false."
- Jan 22: "More rather than less. Sooner rather than later."
Which will define the Clinton Presidency the way "Your
President is not a crook," defined Nixon's."
- Jan 26: "I want you to listen to me. I did not have sexual
relations with that woman."
- Mar 15: On the Kathleen Willey accusations: "I have said
nothing improper happened...I have a very clear memory of
the meeting. I told the truth then. I told the truth in
the [Paula Jones] deposition."
- July 31: "I am looking forward to the opportunity in the next
few days of testifying. I will do so completely and
truthfully."
As with most of my predictions, I was wrong about the Clinton Presidency being defined by that "More rather than less. Sooner rather than later" line. The "testifying" was to the grand jury which provided us with its replacement: "It depends upon what your definition of is, is."
But, here we are, August 2001. We got plenty o' nothin'.
The biggest news is whether or not lawyers are going to be permitted to sue HMOs in state court.
Now, THERE'S some comedy material for you.
- What did the trial lawyer name his daughter following her delivery
by his HMO physician?
Sue.
See what I mean?
On Monday Bill Clinton arranged for a massive "welcome home" party in Harlem to celebrate the opening of his official office space there. The most embarrassing piece of business was watching Senator Chuck "Boogaloo-Down-Broadway" Schumer trying to clap his hands in time with the music.
He looked like everyone's weird uncle Charlie who gets loaded at every wedding or bar mitzvah and insists upon singing his famous rendition of "Danke Shoen" for the 813th time.
There were locals demonstrating against the "gentrification" of the area. If Chuck Schumer is in the vanguard of people starting to move in, it is no wonder there were African-Americans overheard saying, sadly, "There goes the neighborhood."
Saaayyyyy. Who paid for that little shindig, anyway? Was it a tax exempt foundation (which means we ALL helped pay for it)? Was it a political party or political action committee? If so, were the appropriate disclaimers applied? Was it Jesse Jackson?
Jimmy Carter, just days after spewing anti-Bush remarks to a reporter, showed up at the White House to report to the President on the findings of the election commission he co-chairs.
President Bush was (surprise!) warm, friendly, and gracious to Carter.
A really great idea of the commission's would be to make election day a national holiday. Let's see: One of the few unions growing in numbers is the public employees' union. If we give every public employee in the nation election day - Tuesday - off you don't suppose they might all take a vacation day on the Monday prior, having left on buses the Saturday before that to drive, in motorized brigades, to union areas around the country to campaign for their Democratic brothers � do you?
Memo to Jimmy Carter: Here's a hammer. Here are some nails. Here's an apron. Get out.
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