Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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Weighty Matters

Monday June 23, 2003

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From the National Federation of Pachyderms Convention
Galveston, Texas

Are the days getting shorter, or is it my imagination?

Each of the nine candidates for President should - right now - tell their finance chairmen to purchase about 5,000 Harry Potter books. They need to thank J.K. Rowling for getting Hillary's mug off the front page of every newspaper, and end the All-Hillary-All-The-Time TV chat show segments.

I have a copy of the new Harry Potter book: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I did NOT wait up until midnight on Friday to purchase it; although I thought about it.

On Friday evening I went to the Bookpeople book store (which is behind the Whole Foods) just off Lamar, in Austin. They were preparing for an evening of wonder and witchcraft with a party starting at 10 pm ending at 12:01 am when the new Harry Potter could legally go on sale.

I asked one of the sales clerks whether he thought there would be books available in the morning as midnight is something on the Order of Two Hours Past My Bedtime.

He said I should purchase a voucher for the book. This is a transcript of the short conversation:

Me: If I buy a voucher, does that guarantee there will be a book available for me in the morning?
Him: Only if we don't sell out tonight.
Me: Then why would I want to buy a voucher?
Him: To be sure you get a book.
Me: I thought you said it would only guarantee me a book if you didn't sell out tonight.
Him: We'll be getting more on Monday.
Me: But if you don't sell out tonight, there will be books in the morning whether I have a voucher or not. Why do I feel as if I'm in a Seinfeld episode?

At this point the young man realized he had something really important to do in the stock room and excused himself.

Bookpeople was selling Harry at full list which is $29.99. Barnes & Noble (where I ended up buying my copy) was selling him at nineteen and change.

I waited in (on, if you're from New York) line for the B&N book store to open at nine on Saturday morning. When they opened the doors there were, perhaps, two dozen of us, all adults, all pretending we were there to see if the new annotated version of The Wanderings of Oisin and Other Poems by William Butler Yeats was in stock.

But, when the woman unlocked the front doors, the way we elbowed each other to the checkout counter for The Wanderings of Harry, Hermione and Ron we looked like turn seven in yesterday's NASCAR road race.

At 870 pages in the US edition, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a weighty tome by any measure - the measure happens to be about 2.8 lbs.

As a comparison, my new boy-toy, a Toshiba R-100 computer, weighs only 2.3 pounds - but cost a few pounds more than the book.

I love the Harry Potter books. I don't want to be Harry Potter, although some of the spells he and his pals have learned at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry would come in mighty handy in day-to-day life.

The author, J.K. (Joanne Kathleen) Rowling has created a complete universe. Everything which happens within that universe is true to that universe - she doesn't cheat. The books are great fun.

I wonder what we might learn if Harry were to point his wand at Hillary's book and intone: Lumos!

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: Why there is no Mullfoto today, a short bio of J.K. Rowling, an extremely boring explanation of the last bullet point, and a roll-your-own Catchy Caption of the Day!

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