Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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And Your Camel's Mustache, Too!

Monday March 10, 2003

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From Marietta, Ohio
Chamber of Commerce Annual Dinner

Everyone who thinks Jacques Chirac is more interested in oil revenues FROM Iraq than he is in peace for its own sake IN Iraq, raise hands. Hey! You! There in LA! Get your hand up!

Oh, look! A unanimous vote. Who'd-a thunk?

Let us run the numbers: Iraq has an estimated 112.5 BILLION barrels of proven oil reserves. That makes them second on the planet behind Saudi Arabia.

Of the 526 known oil deposits in Iraq's 74 known oil fields, only 125 - about a quarter - have been drilled.

At a non-war-inflated price of about $25 per barrel that works out to about $2.8 TRILLION dollars worth of oil.

Got all that so far?

Here's what the Beirut, Lebanon "Daily Star" says about this situation:

France is by far the biggest player [in the Iraqi oil business]. The giant TotalFinaElf has development rights to roughly 25 percent of total Iraqi reserves. In theory, France's long relationship with Iraq's national oil company could put the French in a good position for more deals after any war.

Quick. What's 25% of $2.8 Trillion? Yes? You, there in LA? Correct: About $700 BILLION. And that's just for a portion of the oil. What's at stake for the French economy is perhaps TRILLIONS of dollars in oil profits.

BUT, the Daily Star continues, "Many French industry officials remain convinced that the Americans will not allow French oil companies to work in Iraq if France fails to support the war effort."

Hence, Jacques Chirac has put France into the position of betting every sou of that oil revenue on stopping the United States from changing a regime with which France has been in bed for all these years.

When you listen to the French - or their representatives in the U.S. Congress - wailing about the need to continue the inspection process, keep this in mind: For the French, it's all about oil.

And sales of spare parts for military jets. According to a Washington Times piece on Friday by Bill Gertz, "A French company has been selling spare parts to Iraq for its fighter jets and military helicopters during the past several months, according to U.S. intelligence officials."

Nice. Very nice.

If you watched the action at the United Nations on Friday, things got a little snippy between British Foreign Minister Jack Straw and his French counterpart, Dominique de Villepin. But that was nothing compared to the sparks which flew when the Arab League Foreign Ministers met earlier in the week.

A majority of the Gulf states had signaled their agreement with a resolution by the United Arab Emirates which calls on Saddam to accept exile as a means to avert war.

The Iraqi representative to the meeting said something ugly about Kuwait's agreeing with the UAE resolution, at which point the Kuwaiti Foreign Minister interrupted to set the record straight.

Here, from the AP and Reuters translations, is what the Iraqi representative said next. This is true:

"Shut up you minion. You [U.S.] agent. You monkey. A curse be upon your mustache. You are addressing Iraq. You are insolent. You are a traitor to the Islamic nation."

The Kuwaiti Information, Minister Sheik Ahmed Fahd Al Ahmed, then "leaped up and waved a small Kuwaiti flag." After the meeting he said, "The Iraqis always behave like this."

Truth is, I kind of like that "curse upon your mustache" business. I'm going to start saying that to guys who hold the door for their buddies on elevators: "A curse be upon your mustache!"

When some woman unloads 64 items on the belt in the 10-items-or-less lane? "A curse be upon your mustache."

More evidence that the Mullmeister is the Typhoid Mary of Cable TV: Friday afternoon I appeared on CNN's "Talk Back Live." Saturday morning, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution ran this headline: "CNN shutting down 'Talk Back Live'"

A curse be on CNN's mustache.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: A definition of the word sou, a link to the Bill Gertz piece on illegal sales of spare parts by the French, a partial listing of cable shows I have been on which have been cancelled, and a pretty good Catchy Caption.

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