This trip actually started in Austin, Texas where I gave a speech to the staff of the incoming state legislators on Saturday at noon. So, this trip really started on Friday afternoon when I left Washington for Austin.

I came home on Sunday (saving the Republican State Party of Texas some dough by getting a Saturday night stay fare on Delta); was home Monday, then had to leave for Des Moines for my speech to the Associated General Contactors of Iowa on Tuesday at noon.

However ...

I have recently joined a lobbying firm in Washington - the American Continental Group - as "O*F* C*O*U*N*S*E*L." I'm not entirely sure what "O*F* C*O*U*N*S*E*L" means in its entirety, but I do know it means I don't have to take a turn answering the phones at lunchtime.

On Monday the Defense Minister of Côte d'Ivoire, Mr. Moïse Lida Kouassi, and the Ivorian Ambassador to the US were in our offices in Washington to discuss some of the matters the American Continental Group (ACG) is helping with. During the course of that conversation the discussion turned to the peace talks which were scheduled to start on Wednesday in Paris between the government and three separate rebel groups who had taken control of about half of the country.

Here's a brief look at it's history from the CIA's excellent World Factbook website:

Close ties to France since independence in 1960, the development of cocoa production for export, and foreign investment made Cote d'Ivoire one of the most prosperous of the tropical African states. Falling cocoa prices and political turmoil, however, sparked an economic downturn in 1999 and 2000. On 25 December 1999, a military coup - the first ever in Cote d'Ivoire's history - overthrew the government led by President Henri Konan BEDIE.

Presidential and legislative elections held in October and December 2000 provoked violence due to the exclusion of opposition leader Alassane OUATTARA. In October 2000, Laurent GBAGBO replaced junta leader Robert GUEI as president, ending 10 months of military rule.

Gbabgo was elected to replace Guei who was not thrilled about leaving and had to be urged, if you know what I mean (and I think you do), to leave.

Dear Mr. Mullings. Is this going to get funny and/or interesting any time soon? [signed] A Reader

Yes. Bear with me. Do you want to know what I'm doing sitting in Paris or not?

ANYway ...

The Minister was discussing how Côte d'Ivoire was having difficulties making its position clear to the world. I made some suggestions as to how they might set up a press operation in Paris at which point the Minister said he wasn't sure they had anyone to do that.

David Metzner - one of the REAL partners (as opposed to one of those "O*F* C*O*U*N*S*E*L" deals) called a time-out in the meeting.

Metzner: Do you want to go to Paris?

Me: I have to be in Des Moines for a speech on Wednesday but I supposed I could go after that.

Metzner: (Laughter). Can you get from Des Moines to Paris?

Me: First of all Des Moines is a French name (meaning "The Monks), so that should tell us something. Second of all, to get from here to Des Moines on Delta you have to go through Cincinnati. My current flight is: Reagan National (DCA) to Cincinnati (CVG); Cincinnati (CVG) to Des Moines (DSM) - then returning along the same route. I'll go to Cincinnati and instead of coming home, go on the Paris.

I said this as if, in the way of Washington-types who are "O*F* C*O*U*N*S*E*L," it is something I contemplate doing every day. The only reason I knew about the Cincinnati to Paris non-stop is because I have thought it amusing that the airport codes - Cincinnati is CVG and Paris is CDG (Charles de Gaulle Airport) - are so similar and how absolutely hilarious it would be to go on Travelocity and type one letter wrong and end up 4,100 miles out of your way.

Mr. Mullings. That's IT? That's your idea of funny?

No. That's my idea of interesting.

I'd like to put that to a vote.

Too bad. We're operating under Senate rules and I'm filibustering so you need 60.

We put this proposition to Minister Kouassi who thought it was a swell idea and suggested to the Ambassador that he inform the Ivorian (this is pronounced, by the way, eye-VORE-ee-un) Ambassador to Paris that Monsieur Rich would be riding in, humming the Mighty Mouse song, to save the day.

We have, I believe, had previous discussions how professional travelers pack. To review the principle: If you are going to be in the same place for at least two nights, you can send things out to be laundered.

If you are on a six-day trip and you are going from place to place every day, then you have to pack six sets of everything. If, however, you are going to be in the same place on nights three and four, then you only have to pack four sets of everything.

Socks: Day 1- pair 1; day 2 - pair 2; day 3 pair 3; day 4 - pair 4 (send pairs 1 and 2 out for cleaning); day 5 pair 1; day six pair 2.

This works for sock, shirts, underwear, etc. etc. You have to remember that, unless you are spending the day in bed, you have to pack enough to wear on the day you send out the cleaning.

So, on Tuesday morning, packed and ready, I headed to Reagan National for my flight to Des Moines.

I knew the connection in Cincinnati after my speech was going to be close - only 30 minutes if the flight from Des Moines was on time. My flight From Des Moines was scheduled to arrive in Cincinnati at 6:20 PM and the Cincinnati-Paris flight was schedule to depart at 6:50 pm.

With this in mind I asked the desk agent in the Crown Room to see if I could get a bulkhead seat on the flight from Des Moines (so I didn't have to stand in the aisle for 10 minutes waiting for DOMESTIC travelers to put on their coats and gloves before leaving the plane).

He looked at the record and started laughing.

I asked him what as so funny and he said he had never seen a city pair booking of Des Moines-Paris.

I smiled thinly and asked about the bulkhead seat and was informed they were held on these commuter jets for airport release in case a family was traveling with a small child.

At the appropriate time I went down to the Delta boarding area which, at Reagan National, is pretty concentrated and therefore often very crowded.

There was no one. NO one in the area.

I went to the woman standing at the podium at the gate from which my flight - a commuter jet - was leaving and asked her if the flight had been cancelled.

"No," she said, "There are only two passengers."

She asked me if my name were Mr. something. When I said it was not she asked me if I were Mr. Galen.

Hmm. Even after September 11 I was never on a flight with only two people.

While waiting for the flight to board I saw former Congressman Vin Weber so I went over to chat with him. After a few minutes the gate agent said, aloud, "Mr. Galen we're ready to board." Not on the loudspeaker, but just across about half the terminal.

Here's what an airplane looks like with two passengers and a flight attendant, if one of the passengers is holding the camera:

We each sat in the front row, about five feet from the flight attendant who, nevertheless, used the PA system to make her announcements.

When you fly into Cincinnati on a commuter flight you fly into Terminal C which is a stand-alone building apart from the main terminals. If you are transferring to a regular Delta flight you have to take a bus to Terminal A or B.

Even though I was flying onto Des Moines on another commuter flight, I decided to take the bus to Terminal B to use the Crown Room.

Here's what the crowd in my bus looked like:

I was, I can tell you, beginning to feel a little strange about this.

In Terminal B, the Crown Room is right next to the escalator from where the transfer bus pulls in. You take an elevator up to the Crown Room level, then go into a room filled with kiosks where you can plug your computer in and be productive.

A pattern had emerged:

I was beginning to think I was in a "Twilight Zone" epsidode:

Imagine, if you will. A man. Traveling alone. Finds himself really alone.

The flight into Des Moines was about 2/3 filled so I felt better about that. What I felt worse about was the fact it was snowing in Cincinnati and every plane had to stop and get de-iced after it pushed back from the gate before it could take its place in line to take off.

This procedure took about 45 minutes so we were very late taking off, which meant we were very late getting into Des Moines which meant that airplane - which turned around and went back to Cincinnati was late taking off on the return trip.

If all this happened the next day I would not make my flight.

First things first. I had to give a speech in Des Moines, so I sat back and enjoyed the flight.

One of the things you realize if you fly across the middle of the country is this: There are a lot of places were there are not many people. This is what Iowa looked like out my window as we began our descent into DSM:

There is a LOT of room out there. And someday - maybe on the same day - about a hundred million people are going to realize that they don't need to sit in traffic for three and four hours a day and are going to start moving out of cities and suburbs into places like this.

Next: Bonjour Paris!

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