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If Political Reporters Covered Golf

Monday, July 22, 2002

• TITLE: "If Political Reporters Covered Golf" This is my take on the 81 that Tiger Woods shot on Saturday. For political reporters there is no such things as "long term." Long term, is - this afternoon.

• " � grand slam �" In this usage it is probably a derivation of the baseball term "grand slam" which is a home run with the bases loaded resulting in four runs. This, as opposed to the bridge term which calls for a team to win all 13 tricks in a hand.

  To win a contract, the bidding team must win 6 "tricks" plus the number bid. Thus, a bid of three hearts requires the team to win 9 tricks.

  A grand slam is a bid of seven in either a suit (spades, hearts, clubs, or diamonds) or no-trump.

  A small slam is a bid of six and generally results in a kick under the table by your partner who knows that (a) you have enough points and the proper distribution to have gone to seven or (b) you don't have a prayer of anything better than four.

  I think this, because "grand slams" in sports other than baseball all have to do with four events: In Tennis it's the U.S., the French, and the Australian Opens plus Wimbledon.

  In biathlon skiing, for instance the grand slam consists of the mass-start championship, the overall, the sprint, and pursuit titles.

  There is also a grand slam in European Rugby but I got bored trying to figure out what it was.

• "... Tigre Bosque. Hah! Burrito Grande ..." More-or-less translation: Tiger Forest (Woods).

• "� Fluff Cowan �" Mike "Fluff" Cowan was Tiger Woods' caddy for the first 30 months of his professional life. There were reports that Fluff, who was becoming a minor celebrity in his own right, was becoming a distraction to Woods and they parted ways.

• "... niblick ..." The traditional name for a 9 iron which, today, is known as a 9 iron. Here are the traditional names of golf clubs:

  Woods
  Driver - 1 wood
  Brassie - 2 wood
  Spoon - 3 wood (or a higher-lofted wood)
  Baffing Spoon - Fairway wood.

  Irons
  Cleek - Driving Iron
  Mid Mashie - 3 Iron
  Mashie Iron - 4 Iron
  Mashie - 5 Iron
  Spade Mashie - 6 Iron
  Mashie Niblck - 7 Iron
  Pitching Niblick - 8 Iron
  Niblick - 9 Iron
  Jigger - Wedge
  Putter - Putter

                                                                  Painting:"Niblick"
                                                                  by Ruane Manning

• "...Le d�faut du Pr�sident..." During a trip to Europe, NBC's David Gregory asked President Bush a question at a press conference with French President Jacque Chirac. Gregory asked Chirac to answer the same question, but he asked it in French.

  President Bush does not miss an opportunity to remind Gregory of that incident.

  Oh, Le d�faut du Pr�sident means: It's the fault of the President.

• "... Gephardt ..." In a closed-door meeting with House Democrats last week, Gephardt said that if things continue the way they are the Dems could pick up as many as 40 seats in the fall. A spokesman tried to say that Gephardt had really said there would be 40 seats in play, but two attendees disagreed with that interpretation.

  On Fox Saturday afternoon, Susan Estridge said she had seen Gephardt in California and he had indicated similar gains to her. I suggested he had been "smoking some of that medical marijuana" they have out there.
  
  
          World War I Poster

  
  

•     Mullings' Catchy Caption of the Day:
  

  
  Lance Armstrong looking at a fourth straight win in the
  Tour de France.

  Photo: Jacky Naegelen/Reuters ____________________________________________________________________________________