Credit:

"Good Morning Vietnam," you remember, was a movie about an airman/disc-jockey named Adrian Cronauer. Adrian Cronauer is a real person who is an acquaintance and occassional lunch-date of mine. He does not look like Robin Williams. He looks, by his own description, like Robert Bork.

Adrian is a lawyer with the Department of Defense whose specialty is working with the governments of North Korea and the Vietnam trying to locate the remains of military personnel who are still listed as "Missing in Action." This is a very worthy effort, and Adrian is a very worthy guy.

I've never asked Cronauer if he really started his radio show with "Goooooood Morning, Vietnam" as Robin Williams does in the movie, but we will stipulate - for the next four months or so - that he did.

A former Member of Congress from Minnesota (a Democratic Member of Congress) and current friend and colleague named Gerry Sikorsky suggested the title of these Travelogues in an e-mail.

Both Cronauer and Sikorsky get full credit for the title. The content - for better or worse - is my responsibility.

I got off the plane in Kuwait City at about Nine Wednesday night. I was pleasantly surprised to find both of my duffel bags sitting next to the luggage carousel. I loaded them onto a cart, added my carry-on bags, and went through customs.

My second surprise within a two-minute time frame was this: There was a guy holding a sign with six names on it; one of which happened to have been mine. I had fully expected to have to take a cab to the Hilton which is where I was to report for my pre-Iraqi briefings.

You don't think America has much reach in the world? The guy tells me to "wait over there by the Starbucks" until he collects everyone else.

"Everyone else" turned out to be guys variously from the Departments of State, Commerce, and Defense.

We shook hands, gave names, got coffee and changed some money from US Dollars to Kuwaiti Dinars (pronounced DEE-nahrz) - slightly under three dollars per.

"I'll bet you Dollars to Dinars �" I said.

Everyone laughed. I thought I was a hit, but then I suspected they were wondering if they could ditch me before our briefings started in the morning.

SIDEBAR:

We are in the middle of Ramadan which is the big month-long holiday we hear about now and again in the US. We have been told that devout Muslims must fast for the month. Obviously, unless they are all going to be suspended in a clear plastic crate by a crane above London, this is impossible.

The real rules are no eating, drinking, or smoking during the daylight hours for the month.

In Kuwait it is illegal to be eating, drinking, or smoking not only out of doors, but anywhere where a Muslim might see you - in a car or in an office with the door open.

My experience in this region (about which, I will bore you to death over the course of this effort) was that the first and last weeks of Ramadan were the hardest on Muslims; the middle two weeks were relatively easy.

By the way, if you think not eating or drinking from six in the morning until after five at night is easy, try it tomorrow and see how far into the day you get before you decide you've had enough. And that doesn't even include you smokers.

Anyway, the first week is hard because Muslims are just getting into the swing of it. The last week is hard because they can see the Pepsi Lite at the end of the tunnel and they are eager to get Ramadan behind them.

What happens in reality is this: Muslims have a large, celebratory meal soon after sunset; then they visit, shop, and relax before having another meal around midnight.

Then they visit, shop and relax until two or three in the morning; have a snack and then hit the hay.

Many do not awaken until mid or late morning and go to work about midday.

That leaves only about five hours until the process begins again.

If you think this is easy, try it for a couple of days and see if you don't get a wee bit cranky long about 3:30 in the afternoon.

Every business establishment has a sign in their window indicating what their usual hours are and what their "Ramadan Timings" are.

Many shops are open from about three to six in the afternoon; then they shut down until 10 at night and remain open until two or three the next morning.

My rule of thumb during Ramadan was to expect not more than 50% efficiency during the month for on-going projects. And we would not start any new projects during the month at all.

END SIDEBAR

As we all arrived in van together we were assigned to the same villa - five bedrooms, six guys � um � I drew a double, but the younger guy who had the same room decided to use a roll-away and bunk in a small room which was otherwise empty.

As we got settled, the issue of bullet-proof vests came up and I couldn't show mine off fast enough:

Someone said "So, you're going to be the one."

I asked what that meant and he said they were talking in his office about the fact that there would be someone who would wear his vest all the time."

"You had this knowledgable conversation in, where?" I said, "The coffee room at the Commerce Department in Washington, DC?"

Two other guys wrote down the name of the company which makes it and asked if I could get them the e-mail address and ordering information.

That, in sum, is the difference between those kinds of conversations when entering a dangerous area is a theoretical wisp and when it will become a reality within 24 hours.

Dinner was a buffet in a large tent behind the main dining room - remember the celebratory meal business - so we grabbed plates, loaded them up, and chatted.

This is a photo of the Ramadan Dinner Tent:

The briefings started at eight the next morning. Two additional people were added to our class, a young man who had been in India with the US State Department as an information technology specialist; and a young woman from SAIC who did not seem thrilled about any part of this.

We were welcomed by a Colonel who is the director of operations here in the Kuwait processing center. That was followed another check of our paperwork and being issued our gear:

- Helmet
- Helmet Cover
- Desert Cap
- Canteen w/canteen cup
- Canteen cover
- Web Belt
- Poncho
- Flak Jacket
- Boots
- Camouflage Shirt
- Camouflage Pants
- Field Jacket
- Field Jacket liner
- Sleeping pad
- Gas mask
- Duffel bag to put it all in

After lunch we were treated to lectures on the various critters, snakes, spiders, insects, and diseases we might be on the watch for; how to identify unexploded ordinance; and a safety lecture including proper convoy protocol.

Then we had gas mask class in which we learned how to assemble, wear, and store our masks. The best advice was: If someone yells "Gas! Gas! Gas!" put yours on. Especially if the person yelling it is already wearing his.

Most of the group was on the plane for Friday morning so, at eight pm we all trouped back to the briefing center for the pre-flight information: The van would be in front of our villa at 6:00 am. They would not knock on the doors. If you weren't there, you were on your own.

As I was not scheduled to go to Baghdad until Saturday, I only attended in a show of solidarity with my classmates.

After wishing each well and promising - unlike all of our high-school classes - we would really stay in touch with one another, we trundled off to bed.

When I awoke the next morning, they were gone.

On Friday, I had the day off.

The work week in this part of the Middle East is Saturday through Wednesday. That means Thursday is like our Saturday; and Friday is like our Sunday.

When I called Baghdad to check on my status, I was told all was well and, indeed, when I checked with the manifest mavens in the afternoon they said I was on the flight and to be outside with my gear at 0500.

Note: The Iraq Travelogue emails are distributed through the services of Focus Data Solutions, Inc.

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