Annoyances of the Season
Monday, December 27, 1999
- A minor annoyance is Time Magazine's choice of Albert Einstein for its Person of the Century. At the end of the 20th Century, Time's editors missed the essential fact that we choose to honor people not by their accomplishments, but by whether or not they are on television. In fact, only those accomplishments which have been seen on television are considered by most of us to have actually occurred.
- Albert Einstein might have been on television, (the Today Show debuted in 1952) but as he died in 1955 he was never on CNN, CNBC, Fox, MSNBC, or ESPN so even if he had been, it would not count.
- My choice for Person of the Century is Regis Philbin who, as Joey Bishop's sidekick on television became the first person in recorded history to make being the television sidekick of a sidekick a career, then worked his way up to being Kathy Lee Gifford's sidekick thereby becoming the first person in recorded history to make being the television sidekick of an absolute nobody a career.
- While we're at it, it is annoying that the only remaining member of the Rat Pack - Frank Sinatra, Sammy Davis, Jr., Peter Lawford, Dean Martin, and Joey Bishop - is that very same Joey Bishop, who happens to have been the only one with no talent.
- A major, major annoyance is the Christmas song, "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon which is a straight rip-off of the Peter, Paul and Mary song, "Stewball." Inasmuch as we know Lennon's feelings toward Western religions generally, isn't it just possible that he wrote this as a spoof?
- Time Out on Annoyances: The best Sunday show of the year was Tim Russert's "Meet" yesterday on which he had Daniel Patrick Moynihan, Doris Kearns Goodwin, William F. Buckley, Jr., and General Colin Powell. Five very smart people just chatting with Russert only interjecting to change subjects.
- Here's my Big Idea du jour: The next time ANY candidate for President sticks out his hand to make some deal with another candidate the deal should be: No matter who wins the nomination in either party, they will agree to nominate Colin Powell to be their Vice President so for the first time in American History a Vice Presidential candidate would run unopposed.
- Time In: A billion-dollar annoyance was Bill Clinton's announcement on Saturday he was committing $900 million in additional funding to various homeless programs. This is a 900-million-dollar donation to Hillary's campaign.
- Two weeks ago Hillary came out in favor of allowing people to remain homeless if they want. Then the noted social historian, Rosie O'Donnell, weighed in to denounce a new program promulgated by New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani which requires able-bodied homeless people to work.
- Last week Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Andrew Cuomo, announced (on television) the federal government would take over the funding of homeless programs in New York City. Clinton has, obviously, decided to allow Rosie O'Donnell to determine housing policy for the United States. I am waiting for the announcement that Jerry Springer will be replacing Bill Cohen as Secretary of Defense, Oprah Winfrey will be Secretary of Education, and Merv Griffin will head the Social Security Administration.
- See what I mean about honoring those who are on television simply because they are on television?
- It is annoying that Christmas and New Year both fall on Saturdays this year which means we have to work until Friday afternoon both weeks. Of course, as I work out of my den, I am annoyed on your behalf.
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