Mullings by Rich Galen | Issue for December 8, 1999

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Orrin Hatch had the Best Laugh Line?

Wednesday, December 8, 1999

Here's my idea for solving the problem with that little six-year-old boy who was rescued clinging to an inner tube after the boat sank on which he was escaping from Cuba: If Fidel wants the kid back, he can come and try to get him. If not, he can shut up and go back to building on his great record of improving the lives of the people forced to remain in the workers' paradise.

There's a difference between the very rich and the rest of us: A story dealing with where the Reform Party will hold its convention was slugged: "ST. PAUL, Minn." Another wire story dealt with Donald Trump meeting with "nearly 100 Reform Party leaders�" It was slugged "BEVERLY HILLS, Calif."

So, I get a call from a reporter after Monday night's debate asking me what I thought about George W's performance. I admitted I hadn't watched the debate. The reporter wanted to know if there was anyone I could recommend who would agree that W had done badly. How so? Well, when Forbes quizzed W on how to lower oil and gas prices Bush said, according to this reporter, "Dig more."

I thought he had probably used the word "explore" or "exploration" because in my limited experience as a resident of Dallas for seven years people didn't tend to refer to the act of recovering oil and gas as "digging" for it; and, furthermore, wondered what was wrong with the Governor of a state sort of known for its oil and gas industry suggesting that increasing supply was an appropriate response?

I am exulting that the after-action reporters are wringing their hands over the fact that no blood was spilled in the second debate. All those really nifty sports metaphors - smash-mouth, in-your-face, chin-music, one-hundred-and-ten-percent, dominating-defense, block-and-tackle, field-and-hit, go-to-the-hoop, real-desire, want-it-more, step-it-up, take-them-one-day-at-a-time, play-within-yourself, and, this-game-is-all-about-respect - are lying fallow on teleprompters all over America.

Reader Fergus Cullen contributed the following Mullworthy comment: Isn't it about time NASA realized the Martians just don't want us on their planet?

A move is afoot to put video cameras into aircraft cockpits following the crash of Egypt Air 990. I believe the airlines have known this was coming which helps us understand why they have already changed the name for the area where the pilots sit to the "flight deck."

Seattle Police Chief Norm Stamper issued his letter of resignation yesterday following the WTO riots. He says the handling of the World Trade Organization demonstrations was his fault, but I think it's because the Mayor wouldn't let him wear that nifty new George Patton outfit he had purchased for the event.

It is telling that Secretary of State Madeline Albright, who escaped from Seattle, turned up today in the relative safety of � Syria.

Hey! Study THIS: A Columbia University study found that teenagers who use drugs or drink have more sex than those who don't drink or use drugs. A Harvard study found that women who lose weight have less trouble doing housework than women who gain weight. And they wonder why students in places like Haiti score higher on science tests than students here.

Many cities have street performers who play instruments - a saxophone, maybe. A guitar. A flute. In Old Town Alexandria, Virginia we have a guy who plays the cello.

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