Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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I AM Ready for Some Football

Rich Galen

Friday September 10, 2004

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From Columbus, Ohio
Tom Van Meter Scholarship Fund Luncheon

More bad news for the Kerry Campaign: Beginning this weekend, for a significant majority of the male population of the United States the definition of a "Sunday Talk Show" changes from the one hosted by Tim Russert on NBC, to the one hosted by Chris Berman on ESPN.

In Your Nation's Capital far less attention will be focused on whether these new bogus ads against President Bush's National Guard Service will have any effect on the campaign (answer: No) than on whether Joe Gibbs' dusted-off 11-year-old playbook will still work in the NFL (answer: Yes).

Except, of course, in the Heinz-Kerry household where the discussion is much more likely to be centered on whether the French national soccer team (known in Kerry-ville as le football �quipe � la maison) will make it to the World Cup Finals in 2006.

Football season may be a big deal to a large number of Americans of the female persuasion as well, but for testosterone-laden middle aged men, the most often-asked question as they huddle around the coffee machine on Fridays is: Are we the early game or the late game?

The two most dreaded answers are: "We're the Monday Night game," or, "It's a bye week," which means there are no excuses for not (a) getting the tires rotated on your wife's car; (b) taking the kids out for the afternoon, or; (c) cleaning out the closet in the den which has so much crap stuffed into it that, when you open the door, things tumble out that you don't even remember buying - much less why.

The NFL season kicked off last night with a game between the Indianapolis (formerly Baltimore) Colts and the New England (formerly Boston) Patriots.

The pre-game show started at 8:00 Eastern with a ten-second delay between the live action and what you saw on your TV screen. This, it was explained in the Washington Post yesterday, was to avoid an instant replay of what was called - and I'm not making this up - the "wardrobe malfunction" at halftime of the Superbowl.

So, back to the hail-Mary story of the week: President Bush was, it has been breathlessly reported, taken off flight status for a time when he was in the Texas Air National Guard.

1. He was taken off flight status, allegedly, because he missed a flight physical, not exactly a court-martial offense.
2. He showed up often enough to learn how to fly a jet plane. The Army might let a Congressman's kid into the National Guard, but they will not give him a jet plane to fly unless he is otherwise qualified.
3. You should read the Hill Newspaper's Analysis of the President's Guard service. The link is on the Secret Decoder Ring Page.
4. President Bush has not staked his entire campaign - or ANY of his campaigns - on his National Guard service; unlike Lt. (jg) John Kerry who has made his four months in Vietnam the entire focus of his game-plan starting in Iowa last winter.
5. Do the words, "Reporting for duty" strike a familiar note?

Senator Kerry could not break into the open field against President Bush when he had all the news going his way and few distractions. He is going to have a very difficult time coming from behind as the clock is beginning to run out.

Ohio, as you might have heard, is one of the principal battleground states. If you are running the Kerry Campaign you did not want to read on the front page of the Columbus Dispatch yesterday that your candidate has fumbled the ball.

Under the headline, "Democratic Insiders' Analysis: Kerry Responding Too Slowly," Democratic strategist Gerald Austin said "[F]ormer President Clinton, recovering from open-heart surgery, could run [a better] campaign while under ether."

A new CNN/USAToday poll has President Bush ahead in Ohio 52-43 which, as it happens, is exactly the same result as the new Washington Post/ABC News national poll.

For the Kerry Campaign, the fight song is titled, "Goodbye, Columbus."

On the Secret Decoder Ring Page today: A link - which I know you'll want to bookmark - to the latest news on the French soccer team, what I think that French phrase means, a link to the Washington Post poll and the usual Mullfoto/Catchy Caption of the Day business.

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