Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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Thank You, Homer

Wednesday, September 3, 2003

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This past Sunday, Senator John Kerry announced, on "Meet the Press," that he would be officially announcing that he is a candidate for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

In December, 2002 he announced, also on "Meet," that he was about to file the papers necessary to be a candidate for the Democratic nomination for President of the United States.

In December, 2002 Kerry was the front-runner in most polls. Any poll which showed Joe Lieberman ahead was put down as a name ID anomaly.

[Zounds. That's great. I want to go down in Bartlett's as the person who coined the phrase "Name ID Anomaly." I love that. It rhymes. It has an iambic meter. It succinctly describes a complicated concept. That's it. I'm retiring.]

Dear Mr. Mullings: If you have finished having the cast applied to that arm you just broke patting yourself on the back, can we please get back to John Kerry's campaign?
Signed, The Howard Dean Campaign.

Polls being polls, you look upon what you like with favor, and look at the other stuff with disdain.

With how much disdain do you think the Kerry folks viewed the CBS poll released the other day which showed Sen. John Kerry now in a dead heat with �
� Al Sharpton.

In the words of that populist observer of American culture and politics, Homer Simpson: "Dhoe!"

John Kerry has been on the road since December of last year - eight months - going around the country explaining to people why he should be the President. After that period of time his campaign has vaulted all the way back into fourth place, behind Joe Lieberman, Howard Dean, and, Dick Gephardt.

Kerry said that he was officially kicking off his campaign right now because no one was previously paying attention.

Yeah? Then what did he spend between $5 and $7 million doing?

And if no one is paying attention, how has this ignorance dropped him into a single digit - 5% - which is the exact digit he and Al Sharpton now share in fourth place.

And, if you want to chat about Collapsing Campaigns, you wanna talk about the Whiz Kid of the Plaintiff's Bar, Senator John Edwards. No? Neither does anyone else. In that CBS poll Edwards is at 2% tied
with �
� Carol Moseley-Braun

Homer?
"Dhoe!"
Thank you.

One question in that CBS poll was this: "Will Bush definitely be re-elected in 2004?"
38% said, "Yes," definitely; 50% said a Democrat can win.

If you asked ME that question, I don't think I would answer it in the affirmative. If you asked me, "Do you think you will definitely wake up in the morning?" I don't think I would answer that in the affirmative, either.

I THINK I will wake up. I HOPE I wake up. I PLAN to wake up. But it's not a good idea to tempt God so I would never say I will definitely wake up.

How do you think that poll would have turned out if they had asked as the next question: "Do you think a Democrat will definitely be elected in 2004?"

Two. Two people would have said "Yes."

One last thing about that CBS poll. There is a concept in political polls which is called "unaided recall." That is when a pollster asks, "Can you name the Member of Congress who represents your district (or the Governor of your state or the Mayor of your city)?"

When asked to name a Democratic candidate for President, two-thirds of the Democrats - the DEMOCRATS - could not name a single one.

By the way, Joe Lieberman? The leading Democrat in this poll? You know what his total was? 14%.

Leading Democrat for the nomination for President has worse numbers than Gray Davis.

"Dhoe!"

Thank you, Homer.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: A link to the CBS poll, the official definition of iambic, as well as the usual Mullfoto and Catchy Caption of the day and a favorite vignette from The Simpsons.

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