Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

�

Click here for the Secret Decoder Ring to this issue!

Become a
Paid Mullings Subscriber!

(To join the FREE mailing list or to unsubscribe Click Here)

Hot Flash!

Rich Galen

Friday July 16, 2004

Click here for an Easy Print Version

On the front page of the New York Times - not Page Six of the New York Post - but the New York Times. And not in the goofy section of The Times which includes fashion and society items vital to the existence of the intelligentsia living on the Upper West Side; but on the front page, was this headline on Thursday morning:

"Hear the Rumor on Cheney? Capital Buzzes, Denials Aside"

This was a FRONT PAGE piece by Elisabeth Bumiller about a rumor in Your Nation's Capitol that Vice President Cheney would be dropped from the ticket.

This was the second graf:

"The newest theory - advanced privately by prominent Democrats, including members of Congress - holds that Mr. Cheney recently dismissed his personal doctor so that he could see a new one, who will conveniently tell him in August that his heart problems make him unfit to run with Mr. Bush."

Wait. Hold it. A rumor about the Republican ticket being advanced PRIVATELY by prominent DEMOCRATS?

That's news? That's a hot flash? That item would have been better suited for the comics section, except The Times doesn't DO comics.

There was a time, back when real journalism was being practiced at newspapers like the New York Times, that rumors were ignored. Why? Because a rumor, once in print, takes on a life of its own.

In this instance, media outlets who would never have been the first to the trough can safely hide behind the scratchy woolen skirts of The Gray Lady by quoting the New York Times: "Wasn't us. We were just quoting The Times where, if it was in print, it must have been fit."

Even real stories, back in the day, required two - and sometimes more - named sources before an editor would allow the boys at the linotype machines to do their work. Now, all you have to do is find an anonymous source or two and you get A-1.

In order for Ms. Bumiller's piece to have any credence at all, you have to believe that the folks in the Bush White House called some of their Democratic pals over in the House and Senate - pals like Senator Patrick "Teacher, He Called Me a Bad Word" Leahy - and asked them what they would think about dumping Cheney.

Hello? Earth to West 43rd Street. You might want to adjust the volume of that colander on your head so you can hear the signals from the mother ship.

Hey. Lizzy. I got a hot flash for you. I'm inventing it as I sit on the back deck of Mullings Central: How about this? The two Johns are talking about taking this whole running mate thing to the next level, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

The reason Edwards and Kerry are SO opposed to the Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriages is because they've fallen in love. With each other!

Drudge? Are you with me here?

All that touching, and hugging, and patting, and smiling, and looking into one another's eyes has had an effect.

Prominent members of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance are all abuzz about the prospect of a male Vice President and the First Lady being the same person.

"I hear they were as surprised as anyone," said a prominent member of the Gay community, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "Even throwing that football back and forth has become a token of their devotion to one another. You can see how happy they are for each other when one of them actually catches it."

None of this, of course, is true - neither my rumor nor Elisabeth Bumiller's. The difference is: I had to fight with the Mullings Director of Standards and Practices to leave mine in.

The Gray Lady is, apparently, having hot flashes of her own.

On the Secret Decoder Ring Page today: A brief history of the NY Times, a link to the Bumiller piece, and a Mullfoto with General Mark Kimmitt which I think you'll want to see.

Current Issue | Secret Decoder Ring | Past Issues | Email Rich | Rich Who?