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Can We Interest the IRS in Self Audits?
Monday, July 16, 2001
Click here for an Easy Print Version
From San Francisco, California
- Abbe Lowell, the attorney for Congressman Gary "All-You-Need-is-Love" Condit, announced the other day that Condit had past a lie detector test which had been paid for by the Condit defense team, with questions formulated by the Condit defense team, administered by a polygraph guy hired by the Condit defense team.
- Here's the news flash: Condit passed!
- I think Abbe Lowell has done a great service to America. Self-administered tests could be a boon to the culture.
- Consider these:
- A College senior pays for a private testing firm - GMATs 'R Us - to administer the graduate school entry exam, after which she announces she has scored 760, and demands admission to Harvard Business School.
- An employee hires an independent search firm to administer an employee evaluation test. The employee takes the results into his boss, shows him the result, and demands he and his superior exchange jobs.
- A car dealership conducts a survey administered by the manufacturer of its cars which proves that its sales staff ALWAYS tells the truth - up to and including leaving the negotiating room to check with his sales manager.
- An insurance company uses a survey of its own agents to prove it has the best rates and the highest customer satisfaction rating when paying claims.
- A husband, out late, pulls into the driveway, reaches into the glove compartment, takes out a portable breathalyzer testing kit which includes blowing up a balloon which is in the shape of Snoopy, walks into the house and announces to his wife he could not be drunk because he has, in fact, passed a breathalyzer exam.
- A dot-com company audits its own books and announces it has become profitable 18-months ahead of schedule. Oh, wait. That really DID happen.
- In a test which was self-administered, but publicly viewed, the U.S. military actually shot down a ballistic missile warhead. This success is being viewed at Mullings central as a serious setback to the European press which had been praying for a failure to prove its theory that not having a missile defense shield somehow makes everyone safer.
- The first result of the International Olympic Committee's selection of Beijing as the site of the 2008 Olympics came over the weekend when the Chinese government released an American professor - who had been convicted of spying for Taiwan - and deported him home to the U.S.
- That's one.
- Mullings is in San Francisco following a speech to the Shasta County GOP in Redding California on Saturday. Given a choice between a national convention such as those held last summer by the Republicans in Philadelphia or the Democrats in Los Angeles, and a county picnic like the one at which I spoke on Saturday - give me the picnic. Every time.
- Little girl and her slightly older brother were in the hotel elevator yesterday morning. A bellman carrying a $4.75 copy of the Sunday New York Times asked what they did last night.
Little Boy: My sister won a goldfish.
Little Girl: I named my goldfish.
Bellman: What did you name it?
Little Girl (over her shoulder as she and her brother exit): Goldie.
The bellman looks at me. I look at him.
Mullings: Ok, so she's not Mozart.
-- END --
Copyright © 2001 Richard A. Galen
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