Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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Gitmo, Gitless, Gitout

Rich Galen

Wednesday June 15, 2005

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EDITOR'S NOTE: If you've never gone to the Secret Decoder Ring page, click on it today. There is a WORLD EXCLUSIVE Catchy Caption of the Day which you will not want to miss.

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We have to be the dumbest superpower in the history of the planet. The latest example of Liberal intellectual rigor mortis is this business about closing down the prison at Guantanamo Bay because of "allegations of abuse."

Two words: Puh Leeze.

Senator Joe Biden (D-Delaware) who wants to ride the Gitmo Train all the way to the White House in 2008, is the senior Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. He said on ABC's Sunday show, "I think we should end up shutting it down, moving those prisoners."

In this case I agree with Senator Biden. We should shut down the prison at Guantanamo Bay.

Then we should move the terrorists to the Delaware Correctional Center near beautiful downtown Smyrna, Delaware 15 miles from the capital of Delaware � Anyone? Ferris? Dover.

According to the State of Delaware's web page aptly titled "Death Row Fact Sheet," there are 15 inmates who are on death row at the DCC. We could put the Gitmo guys in with them and see who is left standing after lunch which is "served on insulated dishware made of polypropylene" in the inmate's cell and is eaten with "a plastic utensil called a spork."

I gotta tell ya. I don't think forcing inmates to use a utensil - or anything else - called a "spork" is going to pass muster with the ACLU.

In one of those unintentional ironies, the "Death Row Fact Sheet" lists "First executed inmate: John Turck on October 19, 1662." Delaware's slogan - celebrating the fact that it was the initial state to adopt the Constitution - is included in the logo at the top of the page is: "It's good being first."

There is no record as to whether Mr. Turck's final words reflected that sentiment 343 years ago.

[SIDEBAR]

As I was writing this on Monday afternoon, the Michael Jackson verdict was announced. I had drafted a long riff about Michael having been given one hour to get to the courthouse and his lawyer complaining that wasn't long enough for Michael to put his nose on; and how Jackson would be sentenced to the prison at Guantanamo Bay which would be considered cruel and unusual punishment by Amnesty International - on behalf of the terrorists; and how the terrorists would beg to be put back under the control of that woman from the West Virginia National Guard and would tell everything they knew as long as they didn't have to be in the same prison - or the same planet - as Jackson.
Drat. It was good stuff.
Here's one which does work: Defense attorney Ramsey Clark, has demanded that the Michael Jackson jurors be flown to Baghdad for Saddam Hussein's trial. Pending that, Clark has filed a motion demanding Marsha Clark be named prosecutor.

[END SIDEBAR]

Ok. Guantanamo Bay. The shorthand history is this: A treaty between Cuba and the US, first signed in 1903 (Theodore Roosevelt was President), granted the US perpetual rights to the land so long as we occupy it and pay the annual rent. The treaty was renewed and updated in 1934 (Franklin Roosevelt was President) which raised the rent to its current level of $4,085 per year.

Every so often the government of Fidel Castro (which has not cashed a rent check since 1960) murmurs that it wants its land back; a demand which every President since Dwight Eisenhower has carefully considered, had a good laugh over, and ignored.

The obvious problem with closing Gitmo is where do you put these terrorists? Shortly after 9-11 I made a suggestion which I still think is a good idea: Sentence them to community service. At police precincts and fire stations in New York City.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: Links to the treaties of 1903 and 1934; an amusing Mullfoto and that WORLD EXCLUSIVE Catchy Caption of the Day.

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