The former Mayor of New York is very much like McCain. He is an independent thinker, will not adhere to any message line, and will publicly disagree with Kerry at a moment's notice. As a former Federal prosecutor he could be given oversight of the Justice Department to keep him occupied and out of mischief borne of boredom.

The former Speaker of the House is very much like Giuliani as an independent thinker and an independent, er, speaker. On the message front, Newt is even better than Guiliani or McCain because he won't think it necessary to wait until Kerry speaks before disagreeing with him. As a former Speaker he was number two in the line of succession to the Presidency. Also, it would be a rush to have someone named "Newt" as Vice President.

Shares McCain's qualities of having been a member of the House and the Senate and, as he now hails from Arizona, can bring that critical Southwestern feel to the campaign. Also has the advantage of having served as a Vice President so he knows how to do it. As America's most famous National Guardsman, he can oversee the rebuilding of the nation's Military Reserve components.

Has ALL of McCain's qualities including having been shot down while piloting a fighter plane in a war and having served in the US Congress. Also, has been a Vice President and, because he served only one term as President, is Constitutionally qualified to serve as Veep again. Having lived in Midland, Texas - known generically as "West Texas" - Mr. Bush is only one state (or if you take the southern route, one country) away from Arizona.

Has experience as a Member of the US House, as a White House Chief of Staff, and as Vice President of the United States. Because he also has experience running a major US corporation, Kerry would benefit from having the advice on economic policy of someone other than Theresa Rodham Heinz Kerry.

Has a ready-made constituency. Is as politically polar-opposite to John Kerry as anyone in America so, according to the Biden Doctrine, is the best possible person for Kerry to pick. Because he has had some experience in radio, he could take over that whole Saturday radio message thing and have people actually listen. Also it would be a newt to have someone named "Rush" as Vice President.

Dear Mr. Mullings:
Aren't you leaving someone out?
Signed,
The AFL-CIO Good Government Candidate Selection Committee

Oh, that's soooo sweet! But I couldn't possibly spare the time. What with cranking out Mullings three days a week and doing all those important appearances on afternoon cable news chat shows and sitting for Titus the Wonder Dog now and again, I'm really booked.