Mullings A Political Cyber Column By Rich Galen

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The Dog Ate My E-Mail

Friday, June 9, 2000

We are all rooting for Bob Franks to beat the tailor-made and very expensive pants off Jon Corzine in the New Jersey Senate race, but not before he makes Corzine spend it all.

Corzine, on election night, said of his somewhat profligate spending - some 35 million dollars in the primary - that he was "investing in America." Only an New York investment banker could equate himself with "America." Well, a New York developer could, too, but he decided not to run for President.

The White House has finally admitted it has lost one year's worth of e-mails from the Office of the Vice President. E-mails from the period from March 1998 to April 1999, which was almost all of the Clinton/Lewinsky scandal period and the entire period of the Senate impeachment trial. According to an AP report, "In a March 28 interview with The Associated Press, Gore waved off the issue of missing White House e-mails as a red herring inspired by Republicans."

Now we know what's got the plumbing stopped up at the Mayberry's house in Carthage.

According to a Reuters piece out of London, Michelangelo's David, "the towering sculpture acclaimed for its depiction of male beauty, is not so perfect after all. He squints." It seems a computer scientist at the Stanford University took laser images of David's face which show he is not looking out into the distance but is squinting.

You can see this for yourself by clicking here.

If you look at the statue of David here, you will see why no one has noticed the specific direction of his eyes in the past 496 years since the statue's completion.

In another example of the logic which can only exist in Your Nation's Capital, the Congress completed action, yesterday, on a bill to name the State Department Headquarters after President Harry Truman. Of all the things Harry S was known for, diplomacy was not one of them. In fact, he is most remembered for his straight-talking flintiness, if flintiness is a word.

Truman, who once offered to punch out a newspaper reporter who made fun of his daughter's singing, said of his office, "All the president is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing, and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway."

Truman approved dropping the atomic bomb on Japan which ended World War II, but also oversaw the beginnings of the Cold War which lasted for over 40 years; and the beginning of the Korean War which isn't - as far as international treaties are concerned - over yet.

So, we are naming the headquarters of the nation's principal diplomatic service for a President who's nickname was "Give 'em Hell Harry." Go figure.

Something has been running around the internet for a month or so which purports to be the 8th grade final exam from the Salina, Kansas school system in 1895 - that's eighteen ninety-five. This is the hardest test in the history of the world.

Some examples of the questions:
-- Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
-- Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
-- Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?

If I had to answer these questions to get out of the eighth grade, I would just be completing my 50th anniversary as an eighth grader.

To celebrate graduation season, Mullings has provided, on the Secret Decoder Ring page, the rest of the test and what the equivalent test questions would have been in 1959 in New Hyde Park, Long Island New York.

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