Mullings A Political Cyber Column By Rich Galen

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Give Me a Ticket for an Airplane

Monday, May 21, 2001

From Hyderabad, India

I know you couldn't care less, but this is getaway day from this Central Indian city. The reason I mention that is because no matter how much an American in the 21st Century prepares for living in an underdeveloped area, even for as short as three or four days, we don't - or at least I don't - do it very well.

I have been frustrated by the time zone changes; by the extreme attention to every morsel of food and every drop of water to guard against some dread disease; by the crushing poverty which, even though I deal with it intellectually, it remains a powerful disturbing site; by the sight of cattle, oxen, goats and even pigs walking singly and in groups in the middle of a city of two-plus million people; and the shared madness of the local populace they call driving.

Perhaps the single most disturbing factor is the inability to get news. From anywhere. The hotel at which I have been staying does not get the International Herald Tribune and the thought of getting into a three-wheeled cab powered by a two-stroke lawn mower engine, driven by some guy who thinks it is fun to see how close he can get to a bus coming the other way makes me become quickly satisfied with the local English language newspapers which contain headlines like "BMS Flays New Economic Policies at ILC."

I need to know real news. I need to know that Tom Green of Utah was convicted of bigamy after he was found to have been married to five women who have produced 29 children. I have some very, very amusing analogies here to a man who marries five women and am tempted, knowing the Mullings Director of Standards & Practices is way far away, but as I will be home tomorrow night better judgment prevails.

I need news that Janet Reno has put out feelers to be the Democratic candidate for Governor to run against incumbent Governor Jeb Bush next year. Democratic leaders didn't exactly spit out milk with laughter at the thought but Dana Candey's NY Times lead says in his best Gray Lady prose, they were "polite but skeptical."

Reno, we trust, will attempt to cash in on Democrats' anger at the way the election was handled last November. She will attempt to blame it on the administrators appointed by Jeb Bush.

Some of us may take great pains to remind Floridians - and potential donors from around the nation - that Florida, like most Southern states, is under the continuing jurisdiction of the U.S. Justice Department when it comes to electoral matters.

The Attorney General overseeing the U.S. Justice Department during the election of 2000 was none other than native Floridian, Janet Reno.

Memo to Reno: See previous memo to The MSS Hillary regarding public outcries regarding missing FBI records.

I need news like the Democrats in Washington are running ads against the Bush energy plan in - California. (Look at your left hand) Coals. (Look at your right hand) Newcastle.

Meanwhile, Reuters reported that Democratic leaders in that same state were saying, "The White House's emphasis on supplies over conservation offers no immediate relief [for California] and riles state officials who claim cutting demand is their best weapon."

Ah. Now we see the plot. Get the WHITE HOUSE to institute some kind of mandatory conservation methods so Democratic Governor Gray Davis and his brilliant allies in the state legislature - who got California into this mess - can point to Washington as forcing upon them a "cure which is worse than the disease," a phrase which, I guarantee you would hear if the Bush Administration fell into this trap.

And finally, this is why England lost her empire. Cricket. Here is the lead in a local paper regarding a cricket match between England and Pakistan:
"England's response to the loss of [its] injured captain for the rest of the series by reducing Pakistan to 92 for four midway through the last session of the third day of the first test here on Saturday."

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