Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

�

Click here for the Secret Decoder Ring to this issue!

Click here to keep up with Galen's Speaking Schedule

Looking for a back issue of Mullings? They're in the Archives

Click here to join the Mullings Movement!

Memo to Demos

Monday May 19, 2003

Click here for an Easy Print Version

To: All Democratic Candidates for President; Democratic Party
Members; Activists; and, Friends
From: Double Secret Undercover Operative, Rich Galen
Re: The 2004 Campaign

As you know, I have been posing as a supporter of Republican efforts for most of my adult life. My double-agent work as Dan Quayle's press secretary when he was a Congressman and a Senator was surpassed only by my work as Newt Gingrich's press secretary when he was GOP House Whip.

I have been tasked to look at the 2004 election and recommend a course of action to maximize the Democrats' changes of winning. I have spent the better part of this year doing exactly that.

It is my opinion that the problems we faced in 1984 when Ronald Reagan was running for re-election (and I was posing as the Public Affairs Director of the National Republican Congressional Committee) pale in the face of the threat we are facing from the re-election campaign of George W. Bush.

To review the bidding, GOVERNOR Bush raised some $68 million in 1999. By the time it was all over, in 2000, Bush had raised more than $100 million This was in the face of the other candidates who were also raising money: Lamar Alexander, Gary Bauer, Elizabeth Dole, Steve Forbes, Orrin Hatch, John Kasich, Alan Keyes, John McCain, Dan Quayle, and for about 13 minutes, Bob Smith of New Hampshire.

The first quarter reporting for our candidates (ranging from the $7.4 million raised by Senator John Edwards down to about $72,000 raised by Carol Moseley-Braun) shows an aggregate total raised of about $27.5 million.

With the personal limits now double what they were in 2000 (due to our vigorous support of Campaign Finance Reform), it is entirely possible that President Bush will eclipse that total by June 1 - two weeks into his campaign and could be poised to raise - if necessary - a quarter of a BILLION dollars.

Fundraising, then, would appear to tilt toward favoring Bush.

At your suggestion, I have examined whether there is as much support for Bush among rank-and-file Main Street Republicans as their appears to be among the Wall Street crowd.

Acting upon instructions from my handlers at the Democratic National Committee, I have been giving Lincoln Day speeches over the past few months in places like Santa Fe, New Mexico and Little Rock, Arkansas.

In those two cities, I was told that the crowds were among the largest they have had in many years. While my ego is perfectly capable of convincing itself that they were all there to see me, I think a more accurate reading is this: Republicans really like George W. Bush.

In fact, I am told by sources deep inside the GOP establishment that enthusiasm for Bush is running so high that the House-Senate fundraiser this Wednesday night will have some 6,800 people in attendance.

Base party support, then, would appear, modestly, to favor Bush.

I know you have had our message experts - Henry Waxman and Robert Byrd - trying out my idea of attempting to use political judo against Bush for his flying at the controls of, then landing on the deck of a carrier in, a Navy jet, then posing for pictures with the crew for an hour and then delivering the nation's victory speech in front of 5,000 cheering military personnel.

I had asked Waxman to demand a General Accounting Office investigation and urged Senator Byrd to do one of his Peloponnesian-war riffs on the Senate floor. The GAO told Waxman he looked foolish for even asking for a GAO audit, and Byrd, as you know, didn't need anyone to tell him he looked foolish.

While this plan did not work out quite as well as I had hoped, I believe we should pursue taking Bush on in those areas where he is strongest - anti-terrorism and pro-freedom. You will have to trust me on this.

I believe we have a great opportunity to be victorious in the Presidential election of 2004. We just have to find a different country to run in.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: A link to the Dem's fundraising totals; a Mullfoto of a minor flood in the People's Republic of Alexandria; and the regular features.

Current Issue | Secret Decoder Ring | Past Issues | Email Rich | Rich Who?