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Mullings: An American Cyber-column by Rich Galen



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    An American Cyber-Column

    Imagine This. Imagine That.

    Rich Galen
    Monday May 17, 2004

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  • Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass) said on the floor of the US Senate the other day, "Shamefully, we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management - U.S. management."

  • Imagine This:

  • Imagine the current President were a Democrat and a Republican US Senator compared - no, EQUATED - the Abu Ghraib experience to Saddam Hussein.

  • There would not have been enough printer's ink in the country to publish all of the editorials demanding an apology from the Senator and demands for a censure by the Senate as a whole.

  • Except for the New York Times which would call for the Senator's immediate resignation, and the New York Post which would call for the Senator's immediate inclusion on Mt. Rushmore.

  • Sunday shows would have been devoted entirely to the matter of whether the Republican Party as a whole should (or could) be held responsible for the comparison. Republican Senators would have tepidly defended another Senator's right to speak freely; Democrats would be exhibiting projectile sweat in their anger over the unfair and unsustainable charge.

  • The Baghdad bureaus of US newspapers and TV networks would be charged by their home offices with finding people who were tortured, raped and maimed under the Saddam regime and interviewing them - with video and/or photos - to demonstrate just how far off the mark the Republican Senator had been.

  • National Public Radio's bureau in Iraq would begin running a 74-month-long series of daily interviews with women who had been raped or tortured as a regular feature of Saddam's justice system thereby demonstrating the differences.

  • President of France, Jacques Chirac, would announce that any elderly French person who dies during a heat wave this summer will be as the result of the stress put upon them by the Republican Senator.

  • UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan would hint darkly that the United Nations, because of the additional costs which would be involved in protecting UN peacekeeping forces after the ill-advised statement by the Republican Senator, might have to call off the internal investigation into the UN's handling of the oil-for-food program.

  • CNN would be running 27/7 special features entitled: "The Politics of Abu Ghraib - Isn't Every Republican Since Abe Lincoln is Responsible?" MSNBC, with better tag line writers, would title theirs simply: "Saddam and the Senator - The Same Sort?"

  • Fox News Channel would have a fair and balanced look at the situation by hosting a debate between Fred Barnes and Newt Gingrich.

  • On the Presidential campaign front, the Democratic incumbent would, through the White House press secretary, demand that the Republican presumptive nominee take full and complete responsibility - as he is not only also a Republican US Senator, not only a Republican US Senator from the same state, but a Republican US Senator from the same state who has repeatedly used the offending Senator to bolster his campaign.

  • The Secretary of Defense in the Democratic Administration would claim the Senator had put the lives of the 135,000 wonderful services members in Iraq in real, personal danger and the Senator should, perhaps, apologize to the families of each and every one.

  • The Secretary of State would sadly point out that such statements do nothing but provide fodder for those in the Middle East who disagree with US policy and the Senator's remark might, in fact, be used by terrorists as a recruitment tool.

  • The Chairman of the Democratic National Committee would file suit in Federal Court against the Republican National Committee and the Republican candidate's campaign committee demanding that all e-mail and phone records be made public to see how many times the Republican Senator's office communicated with each organization.

  • Because it was Senator Kennedy who said it, none of this happened.

  • Imagine that.

  • On the Secret Decoder Ring today: A Mullfoto of the Mull-family grand-dog, a Catchy Caption of the Day, and a brief explanation of the French reference.

    -- END --

    Copyright �2004 Richard A. Galen