Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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... But I've Been to Oklahoma

Wednesday May 14, 2003

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Texas politics has way more in common with one of those alligator wrestling programs on Animal Planet than it does with a lecture on governance and politics on C-SPAN.

The latest modest dust-up in Austin is this: 53 of the 62 Democrats in the Texas House of Representatives have bolted from the state capital to deny the majority Republicans, lacking a quorum, cannot conduct business.

The business the Democrats do not want to conduct has to do with a redistricting plan which would, by most accounts, provide an additional four Republican seats in the US Congress. The current split in Texas is Dems 17, GOP 15.

The Democrats don't want to allow a redistricting vote to come to the floor because it is quite likely that the Republicans - with a clear majority - will pass a plan which is better for them. Much as the Democrats did during those 13 decades when they controlled things.

So, what they did was high-tail it out of Austin. And for a couple of days no one knew where they'd high-tailed it to until they were discovered in Oklahoma. Ardmore, Oklahoma.

This is everything you have to know about Ardmore: On its web page under the heading, "THINGS TO DO IN ARDMORE" is this subhead: "Oklahoma's Top Tourism Attractions are located within 30 minutes of Ardmore."

So, if you are asked "What is there to do in Ardmore, Oklahoma?" the answer would be, apparently: Nothin'.

Nevertheless, 53 Democrats are holed up at the Holiday Inn in Ardmore and have been taking most of their meals at the Denny's restaurant which, as luck would have it, is attached right to the H.I. If they get tired of the All-American Slam breakfast at the Denny's, the legislators can adjourn to the motel's bar which is named - this is true - Gusher's Lounge.

The US Constitution (Article I, Section 5) provides for this sort of thing:

Section 5. Each House ... may be authorized to compel the attendance of absent members, in such manner, and under such penalties as each House may provide.

If the guys who wrote the Texas Constitution had been as wary of the members of their legislature as the folks meeting in Philadelphia were about the Members of Congress showing up for work, there would be a posse of Texas Rangers riding across the Red River right about now.

One of the problems, if you're fixin' to skip the state and if the state your fixin' to skip happens to be Texas is: You gotta skip a long ways. Austin to Ardmore is nearly 300 miles due north.

It is about 500 miles east to New Orleans, a distance which, had I been asked, is well worth the extra gas if only to eat at Commander's Palace instead of Denny's.

Another option would have been to travel southwest and cross the Texas board into Mexico at Laredo. Once into Mexico there are any number of Mexican restaurants to choose from.

As we know, getting back and forth across the border between Mexico and the US is a piece of torta any time of the day or night, so they could have snuck home on the weekend to do laundry because the H.I. in Ardmore does not appear to provide valet service.

However, each room DOES boast "in-room coffee service, iron with a full size board, hair dryer, HBO and data ports," so the members could rinse out a few things, do their hair, iron their shirts and check their e-mail, while having a cup of coffee and watching Taxi Cab Confessions.

Here's the way this is a'gonna end: Jacque Chirac will issue each of the members a French passport, just like he did for the escaping Iraqis, thereby letting fifty three Democratic Texas House members excape to France.

Texas Democrats loose in Paris. Now THAT'S retribution!

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: Some of the lyrics to the Three Dog Night song which provided the title; A Dixie Chick Mullfoto of the day; and the usual things.

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