Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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Wednesday May 7, 2003

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The shorthand for the European Union is the EU. The membership of the EU is on the Secret Decoder Ring page.

Saddam Hussein's son, Qusay, ook-tay a illion-bay ollars-day (enough) out of the central bank just before the bombs fell. A billion dollars - in USDs and in Euros - apparently requires three tractor-trailers to haul away.

According to Dexter Filkins' report in the New York Times, Qusay and one of Saddam's personal aides pulled up to the central bank at about 4 in the morning and made the withdrawal. Qusay didn't exactly write a check for the money. According to a senior Central Bank official, "When you get an order from Saddam Hussein, you do not discuss it."

If you're wondering where that money ended up, take a gander at the piece in yesterday's Washington Times by Bill Gertz in which he writes, "The French government secretly supplied fleeing Iraqi officials with passports in Syria that allowed them to escape to Europe ..."

There are fifteen members of the EU. Of those, 12 have signed on to a treaty known as the Schengen Agreement, which states, "Internal borders may be crossed at any point without any checks on persons being carried out."

Thus, escaping Iraqis can travel freely anywhere within the 15-nation union other than the UK, Ireland and Denmark.

BORDER GUARD: Papers?
QUSAY: Here is my passport
BORDER GUARD (looking at the document): Monsieur Beel Cleenton?
QUSAY (looking at the document upside down): Er, Oui. That's right. Beel Cleenton. That is my name. Yes. Exactly.
BORDER GUARD: And these three trucks? What is inside, please?
QUSAY: Inside these trucks? Um, nothing. Well, paper, actually. Scrap paper. High grade scrap paper we are going to sell.
BORDER GUARD: Who are you selling this scrap paper to?
QUSAY: To the Central Bank of France.
BORDER GUARD (handing back the passport): Have a nice trip to Paris.

France, of course, denied the charge. They trotted out some b�b� named, Nathalie Loiseau, who said:

"France formally denies this type of allegation, which is not only contrary to reality but is intended to discredit our nation. It is certainly time for rumors of this type - totally unfounded and a dishonor to those who spread them - to stop."

Goodbye, Baghdad Bob. Hello, Bordeaux Betty.

More EU stuff: The BBC reported yesterday that, "Emissions of greenhouse gases from the European Union increased in 2001 for the second year running," and that the EU, "On present trends, appears to stand almost no chance of keeping its promise" under the terms of the Kyoto Treaty.

But wait! There's more.

After bashing President Bush for saying the Kyoto Treaty was not something he thought the US was terribly interested in signing, Russia is now suggesting it doesn't think Kyoto is such a hot idea, either, "because some of its prominent scientists apparently believe climate change could be beneficial to the country."

Imagine that. Around Your Nation's Capital this winter my constant - CONSTANT - whine during the cold weather and multi-foot snow falls was "The only thing Al Gore and I agreed on was global warming. The difference was: I'm for it."

Oh, and guess who the two biggest violators of the greenhouse gas limits are? Right. France and Germany. [Please forward all those reeeealllyy amusing "hot air" jokes directly to the French Embassy in Damascus.]

Final EU item: The EU is clamping down on the amount of cod which can be fished from the North Sea, the Atlantic Ocean west of Scotland, and the Irish Sea.

I only bring this up for two reasons as cod is not a staple on the dinner table at Mullings Central. First, because a tease on the BBC website about this story read: "Fisheries Minister Grilled."

Second, I was amused by the idiosyncrasy of the English Language that a "piece of cod" and a "codpiece" are not the same thing.

On the to the Secret Decoder Ring page today: Links upon links upon links to ALL the stories noted above; the definition of "codpiece;" a Mullfoto which only guys will think is cool; and a sweet Catchy Caption of the Day.

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