Mullings A Political Cyber Column By Rich Galen

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What the World Needs Now

Friday, May 5, 2000

From Nashville, Tennessee

How insidious is this? A virus is spreading throughout e-mail land with the words "ILOVEYOU" in the subject line. If you open this e-mail, the attached virus (a) trashes your hard drive and (b) sends the virus along to everyone in your e-mail address book.

All of which is approximately what my high school health teacher told us would happen if we said those words to a girl.

There are punishments being handed out at the White House for not having thought of using the ILOVEYOU virus thus: "We wanted to turn over the three trillion e-mails regarding the 1996 fund raising scandals as we neglected to give the Congress three years ago when they were subpoenaed, but they just - this very morning - all got wiped out."

Five planets in our solar system and Earth's moon are queuing up today like celestial dancers in the finale of "A Chorus Line" today. While NASA assures us the effect of any additional gravitation pull on the earth's surface will have no more effect than, say, an asteroid smashing into the Earth at the end of the Cretaceous period, I would remind you that these are the same people who have misplaced Mars for the past two years.

A few words about that very funny video the White House produced for the correspondent's dinner last week: First, the fact they had time to conceive, write, shoot, and edit that video proves Clinton IS a lame duck and they have too much time on their hands over there. Second, that scene with "Stuart" would have been much funnier if he had been teaching Clinton to one-click on Amazon.com to buy copies of "Leaves of Grass" for his, er, summer reading.

Children at play in Your Nation's Capital: The chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, Rep. Patrick Kennedy is suing Republican Whip Tom DeLay for DeLay's alleged strong arm tactics to get lobbyists and their clients to pony up big money.

This is the Patrick Kennedy equivalent of Bill Clinton bombing Iraq while he's otherwise busy being impeached by the House of Representatives. Patrick Kennedy, we should remember, scuffled with a security guard at LAX a couple of weeks ago. And, Al "I'm-Just-The-Piano-Player" Gore was grilled for four hours by his own Department of Justice about the Clinton/Gore finance operation generally and, according to one report, the Buddhist Temple scam in particular.

If the Democrats' constant whine that this has been "Another Republican Do Nothing Congress" has any saliency, then it is the DONORS who should be suing DeLay.

Secretary of State Madeline Albright had harsh words to say to her employees the other day regarding a shocking lack of security. This following on the heels of a laptop computer waltzing out of the Department of State offices which had top secret information on it. That incident was on the heels of the discovery of a microphone in a secure area of the State Department building picking up signals which were being intercepted by a Russian spy parked out front.

None of this is Ms. Albright's fault. That will be the legacy of the Clinton Administration. "It Wasn't My Fault."

At lunch the other day I came across a storefront with a sign proclaiming great prices on a tour to Tunisia. Now, I like to travel as much as the next guy, but I would be more likely to go to Mars than to Tunisia - if NASA could find Mars.

The really amusing part of the sign was it was headlined: USA-TUNSIA-USA, as if to make the point that, if you paid full price you would, in fact, come back to the USA.

Another amusing sighting: I saw a book at the real, bricks and mortar book store the other day titled: "Your Fired." The author was Steven Sack which is probably more amusing to Mullings' British readers.

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Copyright © 2000 Richard A. Galen

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