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The Anger Plank

Monday, April 15, 2002

                      Click here for an Easy Print Version


From Orlando, Florida
Florida Democratic State Convention
• [This was going to be a serious exploration into the Democrats' strategy of creating a sense of anger against President Bush to generate some energy within their base but, if you read on (which I do not recommend), you will see it quickly got away from me.]

• I've been thinking about the Florida Democrats' gathering here in Orlando this past weekend. Apart from people on the convention floor wearing goofy hats. . .

• SIDEBAR:

  In Orlando, Florida you have to be careful with words. That phrase should read "goofy HATS" but, because we are on the Disneyworld campus, it COULD be read as "GOOFY hats."

  Another example: I overheard a young woman alerting her pals to the fact that she had picked up a juicy tidbit by saying she had a "hot flash" for everyone. I said, in my best non-partisan voice, that I thought the phrase "hot flash" had a completely different meaning in Florida.

• END SIDEBAR

• � wearing goofy hats, the real way you know you are at a political convention is by the number of Very Earnest People (VEPs) walking or standing around.

• There will be VEPs locked in little clutches having Very Earnest Conversations (VECs) with each other talking about Very Important Matters or other VEPs .

• There will also be VEPs on cell phones walking in a Very Earnest Manner because:

  (1) WHAT they are talking ABOUT is so important;
  (2) WHO they are talking TO is so important;
  (3) WHO they are talking ABOUT is so important; or,
  (3) All of the above.

• There is an approved posture, by the way, for VEPs who are having a VEC:

• Stand with your neck stretched toward the other person, your eyebrows raised, and your arms crossed TIGHTLY crossed across your chest. Do not tuck your hands in like you do when you're listening to your kid's explanation as to why the hood of the car was still warm when you went out to get the paper.

• Lay the inside hand flat against your chest under the armpit, grasp the OUTSIDE of your upper arm with the outside hand and hunch your shoulders up around your ears. Try it. (See Figure 1 on the Secret Decoder Ring page.

• If you are carrying Very Important Documents you must place them next to your body, vertically. You may, if it is a long conversation, rest your chin on the top of your VEDs.

• There is an optional position which is reserved for the Senior VEP (S-VEP) in the group: That is to lay one hand flat against one's chest under the armpit while, with the other, you put your thumb along your jaw, your index finger vertically on your cheek, your middle finger horizontally across your lips, bend your ring and little fingers into a mini-fist and nod sagely. The shoulders of the S-VEP are not hunched. (See Figure 2 on the Secret Decoder Ring page)

• Another point about S-VEPs: They do not carry VEDs. If you are carrying VEDs you are, by definition, not an S-VEP.

• Whatever you do, never ever put TWO fingers against your cheek. That's known in political circles as "doing a Jack Benny." It is a faux pas of the first order, and you will never be taken seriously in politics again.

• By the way, the MOST Senior Very Earnest Person (MS-VEP - Hey! There might be a cable network in there somewhere) will often be seen with Extremely Senior Members of the Press (ESMPs). The MS-VEPS are the only ones at a political convention who may engage ESMPs in light banter, or to call ESMPs by their first name.

• MS-VEP conversations with ESMPs almost always end with the phrase, "So, we're on for dinner?"

• Indeed in Orlando, according to Rick Berke's NY Times report:

  "Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts � invited several reporters to dinner on Saturday night. Presumably not to be outdone, Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut � invited many of those same reporters for cocktails beforehand."

• This is a bi-partisan observation. It is exactly the same at Republican gatherings as it is at Democratic get-togethers.

• Where was I? Oh, yes the Anger Plank.

• Drat! Ran out of space.
  --END --
  Copyright © 2002 Richard A. Galen

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