Mullings: An American Cyber-column By Rich Galen

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Altered States

Rich Galen

Friday March 4, 2005

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"Skip This" Alert!

Read no further. There is nothing of interest following. I am in a small town in the Pacific Northwest where I have no cell phone service and only spotty dial-up internet service. The cable TV in my room is more-or-less stuck on channel 36 which, in turn, is more-or-less stuck on a still photo of a guy standing behind a tire. The only newspaper story I've read in the past 48 hours had to do with moving the animal shelter to a new location in an attempt to improve adoption rates.

So, move along. Show's over. Nothing to see here.

Driving Humor:

Spokane Washington is on Pacific Standard Time. As is Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. You don't switch to Mountain Standard Time until you cross the border into Montana. Here's how I know this:

As I had caused us to miss an early Monday morning flight, we had to spend the night in Coeur d'Alene which I cannot properly pronounced, but can tell you that it is not pronounced: Coh-Ewer Dee Al-EEN.
Anyway, Ms. Wolfe and I were driving along and we hit the state border between Idaho and Montana where the time changed by one hour and the speed changed by ten miles per.
Ms. Wolfe, who was behind the wheel, mentioned that states were really funny.
I said, "You know I was just thinking how funny states are. Take, say, Missouri. Stop me. Stop me! I'm laughing so hard my sides hurt. And then there's Delaware �
At this point she pulled the car over and told me to get out.
That is, of course, an overstatement.
She didn't pull the car over prior to telling me to get out.

Lesson-Learned: States are not as funny to everyone as they are to me.

ISP Humor:

From Mull-Reader Andrew O'Brien yesterday:

It's amazing. Every time Mullings is published, I have to go into my Yahoo! junk mail folder to fish it out from amongst the adult-themed solicitations, because for some reason Yahoo! automatically classifies your column as spam.
But today you publish an issue with the title "Girls! Girls! Girls!", and all of a sudden Yahoo! decides that maybe it *isn't* adult-themed spam, and I find your column in my regular inbox.

Ain't technology grand?

Small Town Humor:

I am a huge fan of small towns, mainly because of the people who live in them. They tend to know each other very well, have known each other's families for generations, and exhibit that unique sense of humor toward each other borne of shared experience and a mutual comfort level.

On the other hand, there are certain lapses of logic which make visiting them worthwhile.

For example at the local steak house, the M-K, the menu contains this explanation as to the name:

"How the M-K Got Its Name
The M-K Steak House took its name from the colorful past of its proprietor, Ed (Buck) Lewis, who was a vaudevillian headliner�"

To be fair, the piece goes on to say that ol' Ed (Buck) was also known as the "Montana Kid" hence, the name.

Small towns are not burdened with the type of self-conscious political correctness seen in the larger cities. A sign on the window of a coffee shop proudly proclaimed "Smoothies & Bagels.

Well, it's not what I grew up with on Long Island, but I guess you've to dunk your bagel in something.

Finally, on my way back to the motel after dinner, I spotted a motel, with the "VACANCIES" sign still lit, advertising "Clean Rooms" and "Kitchenettes Available." But that wasn't what made me go around the block for another look. It was my mis-reading of this part of the sign:

Coffee, Refers, Micros & HBO in all Rooms

Whoa! Reefers available in all rooms? And there were still vacancies?

I still think states can be funny. There are the states of matter, quantum states, States of the Union and, in my case, states of confusion and delusion.

On the Secret Decoder Ring page today: A three-word physics lesson and some pretty good Mullphotos from the trip including a classic sunset shot.

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