Mullings A Political Cyber Column By Rich Galen

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Huge Rodham

Friday, February 23, 2001

President Bush held his first press conference yesterday and did well. The press was alerted only yesterday morning, as opposed to the one-day notice that has been the routine, and it was held in the briefing room rather than the usual East Room location.

These two facts allowed the event to have a much more relaxed atmosphere - and present a much more comfortable President for the American public to see. Very, very smart on the part of Karen Hughes and Ari Fleischer.

I know. I know. It's almost too good to be true. But here we go again.

First of all, it's almost impossible to say the name Hugh Rodham without pausing. We're so used to saying "Hillary Rodham Clinton," there needs to be another name after "Rodham."

Hugh Rodham-Rodham received some $400,000 to arrange for pardons, commutations, reductions in sentence, recusals, writs of habeas corpus, writs of mandamus, TROs, SROs, meetings with Hamilton Berger, cents-off-coupons ON hamburgers (which Hugh has obviously - in the words of Othello - loved not too wisely but too well), and who knows what-all.

Once the Rodham-Clintons found out that the National Enquirer was hot on the story they released a statement that they had insisted that Rodham-Rodham give the money back. They were, apparently, shocked to find out that an attorney was being paid for his work.

Since then, The MSS Hillary has stated she never spoke to her brother about his involvement in these pardons. And she's sooooo disappointed in her brother. And her husband. Here we go again: Hillary is being put upon by the men in her life - America's Victim. Is back.

While that was going on, Hugh's attorney has said that Rodham-Rodham never spoke directly to Bill about his involvement in these pardons.

So, Bill Clinton, in the midst of packing his books, taking the pictures off the walls, signing executive orders by the dozens, drafting his 17 farewell addresses, and arranging for the Seven Santini Brothers' truck to show up after dark on the evening of January 19th; was idly going through the National Register of Federal Prisoners and happened to stick a pin next to the names of the two very guys that Hugh was being paid to get sprung. Hey, what a lucky break for Hugh!

OR. Or Bruce Lindsay was playing Radar O'Reilly to Clinton's Henry Blake, just sticking things under Clinton's nose to sign while telling him, in effect, not to worry his pretty little head about it. Someone, at a minimum, had to roll paper into a typewriter and draft the pardon documents.

Maybe it was . . . The Oompa-Loompas!

[Insert production number from "Willy Wonka" here]

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
Eating as much as an elephant eats?
What are you at getting terribly fat?
What do you think will come � of � that?

Oompa-Loompa doompi-dee-dah,
If you're not greedy, you will go far.
You will live in happiness, too,
Like the Oompa-Loompa doompi-dee do!

Hugh's deal tracks directly back to The MSS Hillary. The MSS Hillary has a highly developed sense of self-preservation and if it costs her brother a half a mil to give her wiggle room (Note to young writers who may be reading this at home without parental supervision: "Hillary" and "wiggle" are two words which should NEVER be used in the same sentence), so be it.

Next question: Why was Hugh Rodham-Rodham hired to do this work? Were these guys' families going through the National Register of Pardon Attorneys (which, as it happens, is the "Yellow Pages" portion of the National Register of Federal Prisoners) and came across Hugh's name?

The Rodham-Clintons have said Rodham-Rodham gave the money back. No one has promised that he would not be REPAID at some future time. I am willing to bet there will be some fees paid to Hugh over the next year or so for unspecified legal work which will total oh, what? Four hundred grand?

A National Education Association press release had this headline yesterday: "Celebrity Book Choices Launch NEA's Read Across America; Famous Folks Say Books Helped Shape Their Lives"

From the ABC.com website in a story, Wednesday, about alleged FBI spy Robert Hanssen: "In a letter quoted in the 100-page affidavit � Hanssen says: 'I decided on this course of action when I was 14 years old. I'd read [British double agent Kim] Philby's book.'"

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