Barring a comet hitting the Earth, an intergalactic invasion, or a small plane crashing into the ocean off Borneo (cable networks love video from helicopters hovering over an empty sea) I will be on MSNBC about once an hour today - Monday - from 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM Eastern time.
A number of elected officials visited Camp X-Ray in Cuba over the weekend. Mullings has come into possession of a transcript of one Elected Official's interview with a detainee:
Interpreter (to Elected Official): This detainee's name is Mustafa.
Elected Official: (Brightly. Smiling.) Hi there, Moo-saht-fah! My name is Rich Galen. I used to be a city councilman in a town called Marietta which is in the State of Ohio in my country! I have been sent here to make sure you are being treated well!
Interpreter (to Mustafa in Arabic): This fat, bald White guy wants to bother you and get his mug on TV. Smile and nod.
E.O.: What is your family name?
Interpreter (to E.O. in English): He does not choose to give his family name.
E.O.: Well, Moo-faht-sah. I guess we'll just have to go with your Christian name, then!
Int. (to Mustafa in Arabic): If Allah is merciful, He will strike us both down. Right now. Smile and nod.
E.O. (to Mustafa) : ARE � YOU � BEING � TREATED � WELL!?
Int. (to E.O.): You do not have to shout, Mr. Galen. I was born in Egypt, but I was raised in California. Mustafa was born in Saudi Arabia and understands no English - no matter how LOUDLY or s-l-o-w-l-y you speak it.
E.O.: Oh. OK. Well, does Moo-sahf-tah think he is being treated well?
Int. (to Mustafa in Arabic): The idiot wants to know if being in a cage, in an orange jumpsuit, a million kilometers from home, surrounded by people with guns, is a working definition of "being treated well." Smile and nod.
Int. (to E.O.): Yes.
E.O.: I notice there is a small pile of rocks here in the corner. Are they some sort of religious artifacts?
[Interpreter translates to Mustafa]
Mustafa (in Arabic): I am collecting these stones so when I am given the signal I will crush them into the side of the heads of the American pigs who think they are guarding me. I will kill them, then I will escape and go to America and kill all of their relatives. When that is finished I will kill this infidel and all of HIS family.
Int. (in English): The rocks are used to play the Arabic equivalent of our tic-tac-toe. It helps to pass the time while he thinks placid thoughts of his family and his homeland.
E.O. (to the interpreter): Moo-maht-sah's answer sounded a little longer than that.
Interpreter (to E.O.): He was explaining the rules which - like Cricket or American football - are unintelligible to anyone who has not grown up with the game.
E.O.: Well, ask Moo-saht-fah about the reports we have received that they are resolving themselves into a hierarchy and they may be plotting an escape.
Int. (in Arabic): The fool wants to know if your superiors are plotting an escape.
Mustafa (in Arabic): When the infidels think we are having prayer services, we are actually receiving instructions on how and when we will rise up against them. Inshallah.
Int (in English): Some of the detainees have received religious training and, therefore, are leading the prayer services. (As an aside) It seems to help keep them docile.
E.O.: I am very, very pleased. Please tell Soo-taht-mah that I wish him well and I will bring his good wishes back to the people of Marietta, Ohio.
Int. (in Arabic): He is happy that you are happy. He wants you to say something nice to the people of his home town.
Mustafa (in Arabic): I hope they all die. I pray I will be the instrument of their death.
Int. (in English): Mustafa would like to share his philosophy with the people of Ohio: "Why can't we all just get along?"
E.O.: (Getting up to leave) That's very, very beautiful, Too-mahf-sah. We're all brothers under the skin.
[Elected Official leaves.]
Interpreter (in English to Mustafa): OK, he bought the Rodney King line. That takes care of the Red Cross goofballs and the American elected officials. We have the ACLU on Tuesday and Amnesty International on Thursday. You up for it?
Mustafa (in English to the Interpreter): Yeah, no sweat.
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