Mullings A Political Cyber Column By Rich Galen

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O Come Let Us Adore Her

Friday, January 5, 2001

Hillary Clinton (henceforth to be known as the Most Special Senator) was sworn in as a U.S. Senator on Wednesday. As were 99 others, about whom, not one television news producer cared.

Given the breathless manner in which the press corps, and especially cable television, carefully tracked and documented the Most Special Senator's every [now, see? I was going to write the word "movement" here but I know myself well enough to sense down what comedic path that was going to lead (if you know what I mean, and I think you do), so to avoid the glare of the Mullings Director of Standards and Practices later this evening, I will refrain from some stupid "hey, Beavis, he said 'movement'" riff and use, instead the word: step] documented her every step, it is clear that while she is 97th in Senate seniority, she is Number One (see what I mean?) in the hearts of the media.

Here's a great idea. I think the press corps should suggest - demand, really - that the MSS use her extraordinary stature as an instant leader of the Senate to introduce, as her first piece of legislation, not some bogus going-nowhere bill to do away with the Electoral College, but she should introduce - in full - the Health Care Legislation she championed in 1992 and see how it goes.

Maybe, as a gesture of bipartisanship a Republican Senator should introduce it and invite her to be a co-sponsor. And, because the Democrats have control of the Senate until January 20, maybe the Republicans should ask that the Current-Temporary-Majority-Leader-Who-Will-Again-Be-Minority-Leader-But-Could-End-Up-Being-Majority-Leader-Yet-Again-At-Any-Moment, Tom Daschle, suggest to his colleagues as, you know, a tribute to the Most Special Senator, that the rules be suspended and it be brought to the floor for an immediate up or down vote.

Side Bar: Someone called to suggest that to begin it's business every day, the Senate may have to conduct, literally, a live quorum call. "The Chair recognizes the Majority Leader. Not so fast there, Trent." End Side Bar.

I think the other 99 Senators will ignore the MMS' Secret Service detail waiting just off the Senate Chamber to escort her back to her temporary office space, holding a most special elevator just for her, blocking access to hallways just for her, being posted outside doorways when she's inside - even inside some other Senator's office.

And I believe her worshipful colleagues will forget about her doing a hook slide around the ethics rules by signing a book deal which has all the commercial viability of a dot-com eyeballs-to-the-website business plan.

And I'm certain New Yorkers got in line (or more correctly for New Yorkers, got ON line) to respond to that really classy appeal for people to "buy us stuff" for their Senator's new, but unfurnished, three million dollar home in Washington, DC from whence Senator Clinton (D-NY) can most accurately gauge the needs, wants, and desires of her constituents.

Nor can I imagine the other Senators holding against the MSS the fact that she got more coverage in the first 30 seconds of her first term than most of them will get (outside their home states) in their entire careers.

After passing the Clinton Health Care Bill, all the MSS' Senate colleagues can chip in to purchase for her what EVERY Senator (if you could get them to 'fess up) believes every Senator should be authorized to wear, because every Senator believes he or she is fully qualified and deserves to wear - A Golden Toga.

Something like the Chief Justice wore, only gold. And, with maybe fewer stripes.

How many sportswriters had to change their leads Wednesday night when Oklahoma beat Florida State in the Orange Bowl? I guarantee you that hundreds of writers had as their draft lead something like, "Florida may need David Boies and Barry Richard to help decide whether Florida State or the University of Miami is number one in college football." Delete-delete-delete-delete.

As it happened, the University of Oklahoma Sooners won the last college football game of the season 13-2 over the Florida State Seminoles to prove they are, and deserve to be, national champions.
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Copyright © 2001 Richard A. Galen

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