Why Paris?
A Prologue
Here's the plot. Most, if not all, airlines on the planet have frequent flier programs. Most, if not all, frequent flier programs have differing levels. The more you fly on one airline, the higher the level.
If you get to be at the highest level of, say Tarom Airlines (the national airline of Romania) you can qualify for free flights on - Tarom Airlines. You get the idea.
Actually there IS a frequent flier program on Tarom Airlines which is called: Smart Miles. [Insert your own Romanian Airlines joke here. Like the famous vaudevillian joke about the recipe for Romanian chicken which starts: " First, steal a chicken."]
Most of the levels are in the Silver, Gold, Platinum model. And, so it is on Delta Airlines.
On Delta you reach Silver Medallion status when you have flown 25,000 miles. You reach Gold status at 50,000, and Platinum at 100,000 miles. Per year. That's a big jump from Gold to Platinum.
Flying 100,000 domestically in a year is tough to do. So far in 2001, I have flown some 86,000 miles on Delta - 16,000 short of Platinum - which puts me in the mileage equivalent of Medallion adolescence: Too many to settle for just Gold, not enough to get to Platinum..
Poking around the Delta web site one evening at Mullings Central I saw that from Mid-October to Mid-December Delta had a two-for-one promotion going. For every mile flown, you got two miles of credit.
Hmmm.
About the farthest point-to-point distance in the continental US from Washington, DC is Seattle, Washington. How far is that, I wonder? It is 2,375 miles. Times two for the round trip is 4,750. Times two for the promotion is 9,500. 86,000 plus 9,500 is 95,500.
Not enough. I need to get to 100,000 miles.
Ok, so I have to go overseas to accomplish this mission.
How far is Paris? If you start from Washington and go through Cincinnati (which is a great-circle route if you are going to Mars) it is about 4,500 each way. Times two for the round trip is 9,000. Times two for the promotion is 18,000. 18,000 plus 86,000 is 104,000.
Bingo! Platinum.
Now, the price. This is why flying is so confusing to me. The round trip coach fare from Washington Reagan to Seattle for the dates in question was $1,395.86.
The round trip coach fare from Washington Reagan to Charles deGaulle in Paris (almost exactly twice the distance) was: $344.02 (about a quarter of the fare).
Go figure.
As those of you who fly quite a bit know, you end up with bits and pieces of unused tickets over the course of the year. If you fly using a "non-refundable" ticket and you don't take the flight, you don't throw the ticket away, you can trade it in on another ticket - less a $100 change fee. Trust me on this. It is STILL way, way cheaper to start with the restricted ticket than to purchase a full-fare.
I called Delta and they were kind enough to go trough the tickets I had unused sitting in my Delta Computer Ticket Bank and we found one for about $450. I did the trade and with the exchange fee and some taxes the air fare for this trip will cost me an additional $30.12.
On of the advantages of being a Platinum Medallion level flier on Delta is free access to their very excellent Crown Rooms. At the Gold Medallion level the annual fee is $275, which I would have paid in January when my membership expired. So, already I'm making money on this thing.
Another reason to be Platinum is it is easier to upgrade to first class. Given the drop in travel this year, there should be fewer Platinum fliers next year which means more first class space - for me.
A third reason to be Platinum is so you can lord it over the Gold, Silver, and non-Medallion fliers by saying things to the guy behind you in line like, "Don't you think they should have a separate line for Platinum Medallion members?" and "Don't you think they should have a separate PLANE for Platinum Medallion members?" and, like that.
Now, for $344.02 you are not allowed to upgrade using miles. The fare for flying Business Elite (see the Travelogue about my trip to India for a complete discussion about flying Business Elite on Delta) was $5,917.75. For a difference of $5,573.73, I would sit in coach. I would grumble and whine. But I would sit in coach.
The aircraft from Cincinnati to Charles de Gaulle in Paris is a Boeing 777 on which I have never flown. I checked the Delta website and found that on a 777 there is one of those deals to plug in your computer in every seat in every class. This might be ok. I will bring my supply of DVDs in case I don't like the selection of movies on the flight.
Just so I could satisfy myself that I had done everything to allow me to be treated like a Pasha, I called Delta and explained that if they gave me an upgrade as a marketing thing, I would write wonderful things about them in this travelogue. Not that I would automatically write horrible things if I end up sitting in my assigned seat - 32H - instead of something in the single digits - like 3C - but the chances of something happening to annoy me increase in direct ratio to the number of the row in which I am sitting.
Actually, I like Delta. If I didn't I wouldn't fly them. I have a million miles on American Airlines and, with American, once you're a million miler you never drop below Gold in their frequent flier program.
So, I have choices.
So, for that matter, does Delta.
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Delta made its choice. My cell phone rang during a power lunch I was having at a well-known down-town restaurant with a senior White House official.
The person on the phone said his name and that he was calling from Delta's Washington office. I didn't recognize his name which meant I knew what the answer was going to be before he told me.
In Washington, good news is always delivered by the top person. Bad news is always delivered by the lowest acceptable person.
When we catch Osama Bin Laden President Bush will come out to tell us. If he were to slip through our fingers, some 2nd Lieutenant from Fort Ahmnotreuppin, Arkansas would be forced to come out and tell us what went wrong.
The guy from Delta said they were waiting until they could see how much room was going to be available in business class and unfortunately ...
Ok. Delta has no obligation to me to upgrade a $344 ticket. And. It will put me in exactly the proper frame of mind to deal with French people for the next five days.
Continued.